Alfred's Hastily Constructed Cardboard Campaign Box (So I Lost)

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

*opens flaps of box*



So I'm running for reelection because I want to beat my previous winning streak of one election in a row. I like long walks on the beach and parliamentarianism, and I will not take money from special interests or any interests for that matter (hence the cardboard box - it shows that I stand with the downtrodden masses). My interests include progressivism, nationalization of vital industries where we can't afford to place profit and money over the interests of the common people, crying into shot glasses, legalizing group unions, and orgies themed around the Radical Republicans. I have never been convicted of murder. I believe that Atlasia is a part of the world and should take an active role in the affairs of such. The Ukrainian worker needs freedom as much as the Atlasian worker. I'd do this all in iambic pentameter, but that was shot down tragically young, much like the lives of trillions of young men and women, many of them poor and/or minorities all across America when they're forced into our broken prison system.

So yeah, AMAEATMC (Ask Me Anything Except About The Murder Case).

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Endorsed for a top preference!

Aw, thanks.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Hey, there's an election on, so go peel yourselves away from binging (bingeing?) on Orange is the New Black because you've had a lot of stuff at work and haven't had enough time, OK, it's not that you don't like the show and exercize your right to vote unless you're a dirty Federalist. If you're a Federalist, go read The Great Gatsby and think about the consequences of materialism or something. I'd rather y'all vote for me, but I realize that's not what everyone wants and we have to present the illusion of democracy sometimes, so I'll let you vote for Sen. Dr. Cynic if you really want to. He's a good guy.

[REDACTED]/Watson '08'14! Also Polnut and Bacon King are cool.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Congratulations to Senators-elect Polnut, Deus, Cynic, and Lumine. Solidarity with runners-up BK, GAWorth, Clarence, Poirot, and Mecha.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

You were a pleasure to run and debate with. I hope this is not the last we see of you.

You were as well, Mr. GAWorth, sir, and I hope that as well.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

You were truly great, Alfred. Not to worry. We'll keep at it and we'll get you back soon.

Oh, don't worry about me. I'll be fine.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

Good race Alfred.

And you as well.

[H.E. VOLODYMYR ZELENKSYY]

You were a good opponent and debater. Good luck in your future Atlasian endeavors.

And you as well, Mr. Deus, sir, in both respects.