You Have Two Cows (user search)
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Author Topic: You Have Two Cows  (Read 29989 times)
2952-0-0
exnaderite
Junior Chimp
*****
Posts: 7,243


« on: December 06, 2008, 03:01:08 AM »

We've all heard of the "You have two cows" jokes.

Socialism: You have two cows. You give one to your neighbor
Communism: You have two cows. You give them to the Government, and the government then gives you some milk.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Naziism: You have two cows. The Government shoots you and takes the cows.

Anyone have original versions of the joke?

Here's mine:

You have two cows. You discover that the milk and beef rights to the cows can be collateralized into Milk Backed Securities and Collateral Dairy Obligations, in order to obtain financing to breed more cows and produce more milk. Cow Death Swaps are used to spread the financial risk. Soon the entire economy is run based on MBS, CDO, and CDS.

But once the cow's meat grade is found to be sub-prime, your farm falls close to bankruptcy. Since your farm employs everyone in the village, you plea to the government to bail you out and use one of the actual cows as collateral. Then with the bailout money you take a vacation to Tahiti.
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2952-0-0
exnaderite
Junior Chimp
*****
Posts: 7,243


« Reply #1 on: December 06, 2008, 10:40:45 PM »

Modern China:

You have two cows, which are able to produce massive amounts of milk at a low price. You also have thousands of people who depend on the cows for their job, and you realize that if those people aren't employed you will be overthrown. So you sell the milk to the massive milk market across the ocean in exchange for IOUs printed on green paper with long-dead people on it. You know that you're getting ripped off by giving away all your milk, and whenever you try to return those IOUs in exchange for parts of the market they refuse. Suddenly everyone shies away from the market and finally you realize the big trap you set up for yourself.
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