Updating Hymns

[afleitch]

I’ve selected my three favourite, one each from different denominational tastes

EPISCOPALIAN

Oh My Lord

Words by - T. Ken Theepis
Arrangement by - Donna B. Sutch, A. Prude.

Oh my Lord, you are my Lord
Because I was brought up to praise you Lord
And if I wasn’t, then when I had a spiritual crisis Lord
I followed you as the culturally dominant faith Lord
So that I need not make a theistic choice Lord
Between competing beliefs that have similar claims of revelation Lord
Because that would be uncomfortable and require effort Lord
You are my Lord

Oh my Lord, you are my Lord
I believe you were the son of god my Lord
I’m not too sure about the tombs of Jerusalem bit Lord
When thousands of cadavers met their relatives Lord
It seems a bit far fetched but I can internalise it Lord
And accuse detractors of missing the finer points Lord
Besides there must be something out there Lord
It’s you my Lord

Oh my Lord, you’re my Lord too
I have internalised shame thanks to you my Lord
So I constrain my wife, close off my children Lord
From the wider world and other ways my Lord
I hate the gays, I hate the gays Lord
So I give blow jobs at gas stations and scrub myself till I bleed my Lord
For you my Lord

I’m the Lord, yes I’m the Lord
He’s a reflection of my worldview is Lord
He’s liberal Lord, He’s conservative Lord
He’s literal Lord, He’s figurative Lord
Like’s women Lord, wants them in the kitchen Lord
Likes gays my Lord, hates fags my Lord
He’s creation Lord, he’s evolution Lord
He’s white Lord, he’s black Lord
Though being Semitic, he’s probably neither Lord

Repeat ad nauseam.

MODERN HAPPY CLAPPY

Jesus

Copyright – Valley Song Destiny Ministry
(Minimum fee for performance: £250.00)

Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus
Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus
Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus
Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus

(five minute guitar riff)

Wave my hands for Jesus
Wear band tees for Jesus
Roll about the floor for Jesus!
BRTD will probably tell me the music is nothing like this (Oh Jesus)

(hand waving and general tittery)

Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus
Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus
Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus
Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus

(lights and f-cking whistles and sh-t so people don’t really hear what’s next)

We don’t tell you this for Jesus
We’re actually a huge ministry for Jesus
That helped pressure the government in Uganda for Jesus
To enact anti gay laws for Jesus

CATHOLIC

Prolixum
Anon.

Ego ture ac traditione
Mea, et pavete ad sacerdotum
Unde male dissimulare meum
Praeterea tradidit sermo facetus satis
Amen.


And yes this is a joke, a bit of humour and hopefully a cause for a little self reflection. I didn't of course choose a Quaker hymn for obvious reasons, besides they are pretty much amazing anyway because a little self reflection over mass participation seems to yield them very insightful and sensible results.

[afleitch]

I get it Andrew.  And I do feel sorry for you.  I hope that someday you will rise above the hatred some have misguidedly shown you in the name of religion so that you will no longer return hatred with hatred.

This is the second time in the past week or so that you have taken what is a blatant attempt at a pastiche as being both serious and an indication of some ‘hatred’ that I have. I even gave this post a small print! The first ‘hymn’ was a pastiche of high church religion whose members have a variety of different views of a personal god. The second related to money making vapid pop-Christianity that attempts to connect with a western audience by stripping down and being modern but actually being funded by groups that have a disruptive agenda and the third (if you translated it) was actually based on a conversation I had with a parishioner. I will remember not to bother next time. I must always be serious less I be accused of some other agenda.

[afleitch]

I get it Andrew.  And I do feel sorry for you.  I hope that someday you will rise above the hatred some have misguidedly shown you in the name of religion so that you will no longer return hatred with hatred.

This is the second time in the past week or so that you have taken what is a blatant attempt at a pastiche as being both serious and an indication of some ‘hatred’ that I have. I even gave this post a small print! The first ‘hymn’ was a pastiche of high church religion whose members have a variety of different views of a personal god. The second related to money making vapid pop-Christianity that attempts to connect with a western audience by stripping down and being modern but actually being funded by groups that have a disruptive agenda and the third (if you translated it) was actually based on a conversation I had with a parishioner. I will remember not to bother next time. I must always be serious less I be accused of some other agenda.

No, I got the intended humor, even in the Catholic one, which I did translate, but except for the Catholic one, your jokes were laughing at religion, not laughing with religion, so for me they fell quite flat.  Much as you perceive those who say they "hate the sin, but love the sinner" when referring to homosexuality as expressing a hatred towards homosexuals, your recent attempts at religious humor show what I perceive as at least a strong distaste for religion, even if it is not strong enough that you would consider it hate.  Given that many who are anti-homosexual use religion as their justification for that position, that you would reflect that hatred back is not surprising.

But you're basing your assumptions on the fact I make a joke at the expense of religious worship therefore I must have an underlying hatred. You don't know me, you don't know my involvement with religious and faith based groups in the work that I do here in Scotland, so I'd be grateful if you didn't jump to conclusions.

[afleitch]

No. I 'reflect'  by assisting the Glasgow and Edinburgh Metropolitan Church, the Scottish Quakers, the St Mary's Episcopalian Cathedral and various Methodist and other churches through faith based community outreach programs. That's what I do. You can read into a single post about how I 'reflect hatred' towards Christianity all you want but I prefer to judge people on merit and on their actions;those things exist outside of a political forum.