Let's have a calm, polite and substantial discussion about gender and sex

[Gustaf]

Didn't have time to read through the whole thread but it seems like a good idea. I read the first and last page though.

So, personally, I differentiate between two things, namely private life and political opinion (used broadly).

We are all stuck in the societies we live in. The norms they have, the rules and roles they impose. One should recognize these things and step away from the worse forms of it. But one should also recognize that one cannot change the world through individual action. If you want to have a loving relationship with a real human being in the actual world, you'll have to conform to at least some of the things that society stipulates for it.

What battles you pick and what deal-breakers you have is individual. I could never date a girl whom I didn't percieve as intellectually equal to me. I could never date a girl who didn't have her own life in terms of career goals and interests. I don't want arm-candy or a trophy wife.

But if she wants to feel protected by me, make more decisions, throw her around in bed, buy dinner a bit more often and so on...well, I can live with that. Some of those things I don't particularly like, due to feminist convictions, but fine. You win some, you lose some.

The issue of being 'masculine' and 'assertive' is a bit complicated. It's been said before by many people, but basically, defining yourself and your existence based on others is psychologically unhealthy and sexually unattractive. If you are not ready to piss someone off you will always look a bit weak and like a person of self-worth.

That doesn't mean you need to be a 'bad boy' or an 'asshole'. It does mean that you may need to occasionally tell your girlfriend to shut up and  off rather than say that you're sorry and it was your fault. If you're not a jerk, there are of course plenty of cases where you should apologize as well.

Every girl I've been with has seen me as nice and kind, but I am still fairly assertive at times. You need to strike a balance between those behaviours. Interacting with people and being socially competent helps to pick this out.