Ugh...
Because he is a fellow Baylor alumnus, I actually have access to his mailing address and contact info and it makes me really want to just find someone in China who can sell me a bulk order of dildos that I can then mail to him on a daily basis to totally f#$% with his mind until I run out.
He comes home from work? Dildo in a FedEx box on the front porch. He comes into the office in the morning? "Mr. Paxton, there is a package for you." Dildo. He's walking out to his car at the end of the day? Dildo on the hood of the car.
Eventually Ken Paxton will be found naked, crouched behind some bushes in his neighborhood, muttering, "Dildos...dildos...dildos everywhere!" to himself. The authorities will get involved. Mr. Paxton will quietly resign for personal reasons. His traditional, heterosexual Christian marriage will disintegrate. His children will be ashamed of him.
