Who would win a bar fight...

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Roosevelt. Putin tranquilizes tigers, TR just shot them.

BRTD vs. jmfcst

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Rick Santorum pulls down his pants, showering the others (and his own ass) with santorum. Mitt Romney, furious, reaches into Santorum's asshole and pulls out his intestines, inside out. As bile, partially digested food, and intestinal bacteria spray across the bar, Romney uses the intestines to swing Santorum around like a lasso and bludgeoning Newt. Eventually, the blunt trauma leads Santorum to die of internal bleeding. Newt now fights back. From the bar counter, he leaps down, pinning Mitt down with his weight. As a natural reflex, Romney empties his bowels, soiling his magic underwear. Newt, turning on "Eye of the Tiger" on the radio, rips Santorum's corpse open and proceeds to stab Mitt to death with Santorum's ribs. The talent agent sits in shock for several minutes, then asks the blood and santorum-covered Gingrich what that act was called. Newt smiles, and shouts,

"The Aristocrats!"

Mr. T vs. Lauren Faust.

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

The ambiguously gay Mr. Clean wins.

William Howard Taft vs. James Madison

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

BRTD has mosh pit experience, but Twilight can just hold him down with magic, so she wins.

Chuck Testa vs. Callista Stepford Gingrich

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Marx would choke her with his beard.

Fluttershy vs. Bruce Lee

[Snowstalker Mk. II]

Jackson kills him.

afleitch vs. jmfcst