The Comedy Goldmine

[Antonio the Sixth]

I miss him. I want him back for good. (And it's utterly unmistakable that that's him. Hardly took an IP check.)

It was his choice, Lewis.

Should that matter? He isn't pro choice.

[Antonio the Sixth]

2016

The year is 2016. Nine armed terrorists affiliated with white supremacist groups have taken control of the DNC, threatening to hold the entire convention hostage until their demands are met. Their demands, including a return to the Southern Democratic platform of 1860 and the appointment of State Sen. Hillbilly32 and State Rep. David Duke as the party's ticket in November, are met. They are to keep the party officials hostage to ensure that the ticket receives serious funding. Democratic Senator Brian Schweitzer manages to escape from the convention when Bill Clinton creates a diversion and Mayor Rahm Emanuel cusses em out while Sen. Cory Booker overpowers one of them to escape out a back exit.

At the RNC, meanwhile, similar shenanigans are occurring. Rep. Peter King has stood up to nominate Sen. Marco Rubio as the party's nominee, with House Majority Leader Darrell Issa as his running mate. However, former Vermont Governor Jim Douglas enters another name into nomination: Rep. Oldiesfreak1854 of Michigan, noted historical revisionist. Rep. Oldiesfreak had previously run an unsuccessful presidential campaign, carrying only his home state of Michigan and Northern New England. Despite being crushed in the popular vote, it appears that (through rather undemocratic means) Oldiesfreak's followers (known as 'the freaks') have succeeded in controlling a majority of state delegations. Oldiesfreak is duly nominated, and as his running mate he selects the only other man on the world stage with such a blatant disregard for historical fact, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran, attempting to draw a sharp contrast with the current administration due to Gallup polling suggesting that President Ahmadinejad was overwhelmingly preferred by rural voters over incumbent President Obama.

Gov. Brian Sandoval, alongside Gov. Susana Martinez and Gov. Mitch Daniels for the Republicans and Sen. Brian Schweitzer, Sen. Cory Booker, and other minor Democrats who did not attend the convention, announce the formation of the National Union Party, which has as its main two planks non-racism and acceptance of history (the party would later add several more policy planks that allow it to remain cohesive, tending towards centrist/center-right fiscal views and centrist-to-left social views). National Union, while it has great popular support, is lacking in fundraising due to a takeover of the RNC apparatus by the freaks and the aforementioned situation with the Democrats.

On election day, early results are not favorable for the National Union. Oldiesfreak had unexpectedly pulled out victories in New Jersey (despite the vigorous campaigning of Gov. Chris Christie for the National Union ticket), Connecticut, and ME-02, while results from the South suggested that Hillbilly32 had an unprecedented 80% of the Southern vote, because he was popular amongst all southerners, including an inconceivable 98% of the black vote because black like him. Going through the night, the only state in the Midwest the National Union ticket wins is Illinois (due to splitting between downstate and the black vote in Chicago). However, NU dominates in the West and ends up with a majority of the popular vote.

FINAL ELECTORAL TOTALS

State Sen. Hillbilly32 (D-FL)/State Rep. David Duke (R-LA): 206 EVs, 31% of the PV
Sen. Brian Schweitzer (NU-MT)/Gov. Brian Sandoval (NU-NV): 198 EVs, 54% of the PV
Rep. Oldiesfreak1854 (R-MI)/former Pres. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (Abadgaran-IR): 134 EVs, 15% of the PV

[Antonio the Sixth]

"An openly gay woman will be elected to the senate in Wisconsin."

Beating a former Governor, to boot.

Considering that Wilma was not only the most sensible person on The Flintstones, but one of the most sensible characters on TV in the 1960s, why wouldn't the voters choose someone who knows how to have a gay old time?

Yabba Dabba Doo!

I don't get it.

[Antonio the Sixth]

"An openly gay woman will be elected to the senate in Wisconsin."

Beating a former Governor, to boot.

Considering that Wilma was not only the most sensible person on The Flintstones, but one of the most sensible characters on TV in the 1960s, why wouldn't the voters choose someone who knows how to have a gay old time?

Yabba Dabba Doo!

I don't get it.

The opening and closing lyrics for the animated TV show The Flintstones were written in a time before the first thing people thought of when they heard "gay" was "homosexual".

[At start of show]

Flintstones, meet the Flintstones,
They're a modern stone age family.
From the town of Bedrock,
They're a page right out of history.
Let's ride with the family down the street.
Thru the courtesy of Fred's two feet.
When you're with the Flintstones,
have a yabba dabba doo time,
a dabba doo time,
we'll have a gay old time.

[At close of show]

Flintstones, meet the Flintstones,
They're a modern stone age family.
Come on, down to Bedrock,
It's a place right out of history.
Someday, maybe Fred will win the fight
And the cat will stay out for the night.
When you're with the Flintstones,
Have a yabba dabba doo time,
A dabba doo time.
We'll have a gay old time.

(The differences between the opening and closing verses were due to what was being shown on the screen as they were sung.)

The point I was making was that if you went back to the early 1960s or earlier and told them a gay woman would win an election, they'd wonder why you were making a fuss over her being cheerful.

It's that old?!?

[Antonio the Sixth]

It's that old?!?

It premiered in 1960.  It's old enough that before they were being used to sell vitamins, they were selling Winston cigarettes.

I guess that makes them even more prehistoric.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Anyhow...

Gubernatorial Election:
[ 2 ] Tmthforu94
[ 1 ] drj101

Assembly Election:

[ 1 ] drj10
[ 2 ] Gass3268
[ 3 ] TexasDemocrat
[ 4 ] Clinton1996
[ 5 ] Write-In: someone who isn't a goddamn pony fycking creeper
[ 6 ] Write-In: a nosepeg, a pair of disposable rubber gloves and a shower
[ 7 ] Write-In: Dear God, what did I ever do to deserve this?
[ 8 ] Write-In: I mean, other than that, obviously...
[ 9 ] Write-In: Very well. Point taken...
[ 10 ] a Person
[ 11 ] Write-In: I feel dirty now
[ 12 ] Write-In: so, so, so dirty...

[Antonio the Sixth]

Attacking adult males for liking My Little Pony is very reactionary and is a defense of traditional gender roles.

It's not a gender issue. A 29-year old woman liking a pony cartoon would be just as ridiculous as you are.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Context

Roosevelt.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Silvio's moral lapses are allowed because they represent the core of our italian values. But I can see some of you jealous by his love and CONSENSUAL affairs with young laydies, being the majority of you nerds whose idea of sex is talking about the gerrymandering in Maryland.

Was it deleted? Shame, it was a pretty great post honestly.

[Antonio the Sixth]

This or the Deluge, I'm not sure.

You must be logged in to read this quote.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Also, capitalising the first o in "opebo" ruins the rather charming reflective symmetry in the name. opebo opəbo. just realised this.

Except that would actually read oqedo. Try reviewing your geometry classes.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Silvio's moral lapses are allowed because they represent the core of our italian values. But I can see some of you jealous by his love and CONSENSUAL affairs with young laydies, being the majority of you nerds whose idea of sex is talking about the gerrymandering in Maryland.

I'd say this belongs to deluge. However, I can appreciate the peculiar sense of humour (oh Silvio, Genio y Figura) but I feel a bit ashamed about the Italians. For sure the core values of the Italian people are not necessarily 'consensual' paid relationships of quasi-paedophilic nature. Oh, the Horror!... Conrad said.

As an Italian, I can tell you I don't exactly think Berlusconi represents the core of my values.

...I can still take a joke, though.

[Antonio the Sixth]

He's black y'all!

For the hundred millionth time, I AM NOT BLACK!!!!!!!

Are you sure?

He's black y'all!

For the hundred millionth time, I AM NOT BLACK!!!!!!!

Why denial? You must be a self-hating black & white racist Southern Democrat who wants to lynch himself.

[Antonio the Sixth]

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=168803.0

[Antonio the Sixth]

If this really bothered you would (and should) report us all.

This ^

Guys, don't give him that kind of ideas... he's capable of actually doing it.

Post deleted for Calling a white person black with 10 (out of 10) infraction points

[Antonio the Sixth]

Because "better dead than red" was invented by South Park.

Because BRTD stands for "better dead than red".

Because the inversion thereof was that hard to devise.

So much eye rolling in this thread.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Magic is capital controlled by the wizarding world. The "pure-blood" Slytherins represent the aristocracy who believe that "magic" (i.e. capital) should be in the hands of a privileged elite. The "clever" Ravenclaws represent the bourgeois intelligentsia. Hufflepuff are the petty-bourgeois, stupid and useless yet still oppressive.

All wizards treat Muggles (proletarians) as inferior beings and allow them to labour and suffer when, if they control of the means of production (magic), they could have much better lives. The Muggles are unaware of magic's existence, just like the proletariat are largely unaware of the existence of capitalism. The house-elves are skilled labourers lacking class-consciousness, believing that the system is kind to them. Dobby is like that guy in The Ragged-Trousered Philanthropists, but he ultimately fails in igniting revolution.

Note that while some believe that it is acceptable for Muggle-borns to learn magic (i.e. become nouveau riche) and others disagree, all agree that magical people are inherently superior. The wizarding peoples do not learn to perform productive labour at Hogwarts, merely how to use the magic they were born with. Similarly, the bourgeoisie need only learn to manipulate money; the workers will produce it.

And so we come to our heroes. The Gryffindors wear red Quidditch robes and represent the Red Army. Dumbledore, with his voluminous white beard, stands for Karl Marx; Hagrid is Engels, his faithful servant; while Harry Potter's glasses and untidy black hair make him identical to Leon Trotsky. Harry's lightning-bolt scar is in reference to the fatal head wound inflicted on Trotsky by Ramón Mercader with an ice pick. The two Orders of the Phoenix represent the First and Second Internationals.

Voldemort represents the modern consumer. His commodity fetishism is symbolised by the Horcruxes, "valuable" objects into which he projects parts of his soul. Possessions give him identity; destroying them shatters it, making him realise that he has not developed as a human being.

Quidditch is a further allegory. The Chasers and Keeper represent the workers, who supply most of the game's work and are forced to compete with each other. The Beaters are the armies who, although they appear to fight each other, in reality oppress the workers. The Seeker is the capitalist: he wins the gold(en snitch) and renders the Chasers' labour virtually worthless.

Snape is Lenin. He kills Dumbledore in order to fulfill Dumbledore's plans, just as Lenin modified Marxist theory to fulfil Marx's broad goals.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Where in the freaking World Wide Web did Lewis drag that from?

I was wondering the exact same thing.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Funny and also very true.

Trying to win the Republican nomination while still staying electable for the general election has become a task that requires so many contortions that I'm surprised that a "Draft Nadia Comaneci" movement has yet to materialize.

[Antonio the Sixth]

[Antonio the Sixth]

https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=169446

Chapeau bas.

[Antonio the Sixth]

This is the liberal state of Massachusetts, we deserve a real liberal senator from there. Lunch wouldn't be that senator.

Would Dinner be that senator then?  How about Breakfast?

[Antonio the Sixth]

Great to year your position has evolved to this.

His position hasn't evolved.  It was directly created by God in its present form.

It also didn't take a year.  Closer to six days.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Hilarious because of what Simfan did.

Long story short: Simfan's ban was unanimously approved by the moderation team not only due to his socks, but also due to the convoluted nature of his "plot" as well as his repeated refusal to come clean, before we knew the details, in exchange for leniency.

TheReporter was a Simfan sock we previously had incorrectly assumed to be a sock of Athiest2006. It turns out that Simfan created this persona to argue with himself and report dozens of his own posts. Fidelio was also a Simfan sock, created so that he could post a "Simfan v. DemRepDan" match-up and give himself an opportunity to vote a second time in a poll on the Individual Politics board. We had originally misidentified Fidelio as a sock of Mondale84, but then became very suspicious when Simfan claimed to have some sort of "phantom ban" that occurred right when the Fidelio account was banned.

As we were figuring this out and asking Simfan about it, he admitted his prior creation of TheReporter account but fervently denied any connection to Fidelio, although in the course of making these statements he was simultaneously handing over proof via IRC PM's and anonymous emails that Fidelio was indeed his sock. Over the course these discrete admissions of guilt he also made several grandiose claims, such as stating that Alexander Hamilton was his sock. He eventually offered enough evidence (in spite of his constant denials) for us to prove Fidelio was indeed his sock and that his other claims were nonsense. Upon Simfan's direct confession he was placed on mute pending Nym's ratification of moderator consensus.

No idea why he was inspired to play these sorts of games, but it was a nuisance to both the forum at large and the moderators in particular (Torie estimated that we spent ~40 man-hours on Simfan in this past week). While past precedent has indicated that extenuating circumstances can sometimes- rarely- keep a user from being banned after creating a sock, nothing of that sort was present here. He's created multiple sock accounts for ridiculous reasons and made no indication he would cease such habits in the future. Ultimately, that's why Simfan is no longer among us.

[Antonio the Sixth]

Option 4. I am actually Dave Leip.

Hear that sound? That's Inks checking your IP address, just to make sure.

Oh, I thought it was the sound of forum members clicking the  button.