What if we bought some land in Crimea after the war is over?

[Damocles]

It would be absolutely hilarious if the United States and Ukraine negotiated a deal to purchase a small plot of land in Crimea to be our equivalent of the Akrotiri and Dhekelia Sovereign Base Areas that Britain maintains on Cyprus.

It would also be hilarious if this were an organized, unincorporated territory of the United States, with the only residents being members of our armed forces, local Ukrainian civilian workers, and their families.

It would also be absolutely hilarious if we were then technically a Black Sea nation and thus not subject to the ship tonnage, number, or stay duration limits of the Montreux Convention.

It would also be absolutely hilarious if we could rock up an entire carrier battle group right up to Rostov and Putin could do f#$k-all about it.

[Damocles]

You want the United States to be constitutionally obligated to defend a tiny, vulnerable piece of land on the other side of the planet that shared a border with our #1 enemy?

I mean, on one hand, it might hurt Putin's feelings and give him more reason to rattle an increasingly cracked and blunted saber, and could give Castro apologists cause to see this as some sort of "imperialist" conspiracy... but on the other hand, f#$k RuZZia and everything that it stands for, they did this to themselves and can no longer be taken seriously, much less trusted.

This would render the Black Sea into a NATO lake much the same way that the Baltic now is, and permanently crush any possibility of white-flagged ships bearing "Z"s and blue saltires from menacing the Mediterranean.

[Damocles]

Brilliant idea, can't see any possible drawbacks at all.

To be fair, less insane than "Jewish space lasers" or Obama being "a gay crackhead"