is useful idiot useful?

[Countess Anya of the North Parish]

It's the same if she were to get married to a non-Christian in a synagogue or mosque or whatever, I wouldn't attend.

why is that a problem? my mom wants me to marry a russian jew but she knows that is not happening. she just wants me to be happy and marry a reliable nice man. So does your approval come before her happiness? Could you really not get over where you are for her lifetime of happiness? as far as the religions they are basically believe in the same thing. so I don't get the big deal of that.

[Countess Anya of the North Parish]

It's the same if she were to get married to a non-Christian in a synagogue or mosque or whatever, I wouldn't attend.

why is that a problem? my mom wants me to marry a russian jew but she knows that is not happening. she just wants me to be happy and marry a reliable nice man. So does your approval come before her happiness? Could you really not get over where you are for her lifetime of happiness? as far as the religions they are basically believe in the same thing. so I don't get the big deal of that.

"My approval" doesn't mean anything. This has nothing to do with familial traditions or whether or not I think one religious grouping has prettier services or more fun holidays. I also think your evaluation of "happiness" is inaccurate, but I understand why you think the way you do. In fact, I understand why most of you think the way you do, which is why I'm not jumping down any of your throats for disagreeing with me. It's why I haven't called any of you "sinister" or unloving or accused you of having a dark side, like has been done to me for saying what I might feel or do were an unlikely hypothetical situation to occur. I haven't attacked anyone on this thread, told anyone they were going to hell, or tried to evangelize to anyone. I haven't done those things on these forums, nor do I intend to.

I'm slowly discovering that the best thing to do is just not respond, because all any of you want is a response to twist, mis-characterize, or mock in order further harden you in your beliefs or to provide a punching bag.

what is happiness to you then?

I am not trying to slam you or anything. sorry if I came across that way.

[Countess Anya of the North Parish]

It's the same if she were to get married to a non-Christian in a synagogue or mosque or whatever, I wouldn't attend.

why is that a problem? my mom wants me to marry a russian jew but she knows that is not happening. she just wants me to be happy and marry a reliable nice man. So does your approval come before her happiness? Could you really not get over where you are for her lifetime of happiness? as far as the religions they are basically believe in the same thing. so I don't get the big deal of that.

"My approval" doesn't mean anything. This has nothing to do with familial traditions or whether or not I think one religious grouping has prettier services or more fun holidays. I also think your evaluation of "happiness" is inaccurate, but I understand why you think the way you do. In fact, I understand why most of you think the way you do, which is why I'm not jumping down any of your throats for disagreeing with me. It's why I haven't called any of you "sinister" or unloving or accused you of having a dark side, like has been done to me for saying what I might feel or do were an unlikely hypothetical situation to occur. I haven't attacked anyone on this thread, told anyone they were going to hell, or tried to evangelize to anyone. I haven't done those things on these forums, nor do I intend to.

I'm slowly discovering that the best thing to do is just not respond, because all any of you want is a response to twist, mis-characterize, or mock in order further harden you in your beliefs or to provide a punching bag.

what is happiness to you then?

I am not trying to slam you or anything. sorry if I came across that way.

No I didn't think you were trying to slam me. Honestly yours was probably the most well intentioned post in the thread, and I'm sorry that I lumped all that in with the response to your question, it was a reaction to other posts in the thread.

Happiness isn't really something quantifiable, but I'd say that my definition of happiness differs from someone who doesn't share my beliefs. I'll leave it at that, because I don't want this to be a theological discussion.

But honestly, if I thought my daughter would be truly happy by having me attend some kind of commitment ceremony, I could see myself doing it. I'd have personal objections, but like I said earlier, my perspective would almost certainly change. If she would be hurt and never forgive me, then obviously I'd have to do it. But if she was understanding of my position and gave me the choice, without consequence, I would opt not to.

oh ok. I understand now. that is reasonable.

[Countess Anya of the North Parish]

Useful, you don't think refusing to attend your daughter's wedding with someone with whom you disapprove (e.g., based on gender or religion) would be anything other than a bridge  burner?  Don't you understand that that might mean that you may not see your grand kids very often potentially?  If a parent did that to me I would be very angry. It would take me a long time to forgive a parent for that betrayal, which is what I would consider it. Just something to ponder.

Like I just said to Annie, and as I have consistently said, if it came down to me not being able to see my grandkids often or if it would sour the relationship, I'd have to attend

If I had a daughter who were a lesbian, that would be outside of her control. I understand and accept that. Being gay is something you are, not something you do necessarily, that I also understand. Having a "wedding" however, is an action. I don't consider it a wedding, I don't consider a gay marriage to be a marriage at all. It has nothing to do with personal animosity towards gays. If they want to have a ceremony and call it a wedding, then they should be able to do it. I would try to draw the distinction and tell her why I would feel more comfortable not going.

If it were to a non-Christian, I also understand it could be a bridge burner. It would be my preference not to attend, however. I'll also add that I have FAR less sympathy towards this idea than I do if she were gay.

We're talking about adults here, and it's clear that you come at this issue solely from the perspective of a son, not a parent. Parents are people too, who are allowed to have their own beliefs, ideas, and make their own decisions. If my daughter weren't able to respect my beliefs, ideas, or decisions but require me to respect hers, then some sort of bridge has already been burned.

you are correct in the fact that you are a person as well. i think the role of a parent is very different from just a person. a parent i believe has to be able to live with the fact that your child will have the whole look up to you and expect you to love them and be there for every moment that matters to them. She can respect you but still expect you to go to her wedding wether she is gay or not.

However, I do believe that since this has not happened that the reaction here might be different from when she grow ups. that is if this does happen. What you have in your head for a situation is generally different from when it actually occurs.