Laki's health logs

[It’s so Joever]

I have (had?) an ED , and can tell this is very obviously a relapse.
I’m not going to tell you what to do since it won’t help, but I will inquire if you talked with a physician before doing this?
Screw the damn marathon, I am getting a lot of red flags from this and am kinda worried.

[It’s so Joever]

I have (had?) an ED , and can tell this is very obviously a relapse.
I’m not going to tell you what to do since it won’t help, but I will inquire if you talked with a physician before doing this?
Screw the damn marathon, I am getting a lot of red flags from this and am kinda worried.

I'm not sure. I went to a psychologist specialized in eating disorders. I had a really good feeling with her. But I wasn't allowed to go anymore, because she's quite expensive (4 sessions a month would mean i spend one fifth of my monthly income to her) and because she and my mom had a fight with her because she said i didn't had autism spectrum disorder despite being diagnosed twice but that i suffer from complex trauma disorder because of child abuse and bullying. She also said i had a lot of talents and that she was stunned by my intellect. But my step mom called her a fraud on the phone and forbade me to go.

Since that day, i no longer have a psychologist despite me wanting to. I also never see a psychiatrist again but that's because of covid-19.

If i'm relapsing, i would've never realized it, because I thought I was relapsing this summer, looked for help but than my step mom cancelled the appointment with my psychologist and forbid me to go. She also said i can't have an eating disorder and that i just mirrored people who I idealize. I thought yeah i can't impossibly have an ED than and now I lost 12 kg since than (july or end of august)

This morning, i had a weight of 62 kg with a bmi of 18.1

But I believe the scale must be broken because I really don't see anything that's different than 10 months ago. Nothing changed in my body.

So first of all, in general when people tell you to ignore the advice of experts, it means they have some sort of an agenda. I’m not accusing your step-mom of anything specific, but telling her son to ignore professionals trained in the field seems suspect. Kinda like when Trump tells his cultists to ignore the medical experts, but on a smaller scale.

As for the other parts...if your previous posts seemed like red flags, your comments on not seeing anything different after having lost 12kg (and the thoughts the scale is wrong) are a blaring alarm.

I have personally struggled with this s**t and still kinda do and body dysmorphia is easily one of the most killer parts of the ED imo. No matter how much you lose, it doesn’t change and you need to lose more. There is a tiny chance your suspicions are correct, but there is an astronomical chance they aren’t.

A couple of years ago I lost a ton of weight (not going into numerical specifics bcuz sometimes these things can be nastily competitive lmfao) and I also thought the scale was wrong. I actually used a dumbbell to check each time afterwards and every time it turns out the scale was right (or within like 0.5 lbs)

Your scale typically shouldn’t change too much if you don’t move it around and keep it in one place tbh.

Again I don’t know your situation and I am not a physician, but this does remind me and I still am concerned. I don’t know how possible it is to see a physician given your circumstances rn, but I do suggest you do consult one as soon as possible about all of this. If your step-mother controls your care, idk tbh. How much leverage does she have over you? I don’t want to make your situation worse by provoking conflict but this does seem very potentially serious.