Comedy Goldmine XII: A reimagining with Edward James Olmos and Mary McDonnell

[The Mikado]

Contrary to what he seems to think, I don't hate Libertas, and this post of his:

Why would you want a girl who is willing to go out with guidos?

made me .  Good job.

[The Mikado]

I am interested to see if Republicans can unseat Rep. Rick Boucher (D) in VA-9

How come the GOP didn't try to gerrymander Boucher out of office in 2001-2002?

Integrity, maybe?

Yes, the 2000-2010 map of Virginia was a noble endeavor indeed.

[The Mikado]

NO KID OF MINE IS GONNA BE A DAMN QUEER

Thankfully, they make camps for this kind of situation. That'll fix it. Nothing gay ever happens at camp.

[The Mikado]

That's why when in the Middle-Easy/Asia I'm careful to only smoke opium.

[The Mikado]

Don't call them 'Tea Partiers'.  That derogatory nickname was invented to try and derisively compare them to the real patriots of Boston Harbor in 1773.  The appropriate name for them is 'teabaggers'.

[The Mikado]

On Hamid Karzai:

Overthrow him and replace him with someone who is much less corrupt and also very friendly to U.S. interests.

Because that worked so well when we did it to Arbenz, Mossadeq (fine, that was the Brits, but still), Lumumba, Diem, Allende, etc.

[The Mikado]

SecState: Charles Lindbergh
SecDef: Donald Rumsfeld
SecTreas: Richard Mellon Scaife
Atty General: J. Edgar Hoover
SecInt: George Armstrong Custer
SecAg: William T. Sherman
SecCommerce: Earl Browder
SecLabor: Henry Clay Frick
SecHHS: Jack Kevorkian
SecHUD: Robert Moses
SecTrans: Also Robert Moses
SecEng: H. L. Hunt
SecEd: Michele Bachmann
VA: Jane Fonda
DOHS: Benedict Arnold

As you can see, for most of those, I had to go way back, but I honestly couldn't think of anyone worse for the Defense post than Rumsfeld.

[The Mikado]

The creepy grin makes it worthwhile.

[The Mikado]

Read this whole thread now:
https://uselectionatlas.org/FORUM/index.php?topic=114348.0

It gets better and better.

I do hope that someone saves it for posterity. Have a feeling that Dave might delete it as soon as he sees it.

Sure, he'll delete it and probably put Einzige back on mod review for, what, the sixth time?  Instead of the long overdue ban, of course.

As you will, Herr Moderator, you lapdog of the status quo merrily pleasuring your betters in order to keep the shiny uniform that makes you feel proud.  Deustchland Uber Alles!  I'm sure you feed your Doberman wienerschnitzel and sauerkraut before putting on your liederhosen and drinking in the beer garden!

...

Seriously, what is it with Einzige and Germans?

[The Mikado]

Yes, it is terrible sex and worse than no sex, but it is sex.

If it was truly worse than "no sex" why would anybody use one a second time?  Yeah, condoms suck.  Yeah, it's like kissing your sister.  Still, it's better than nothing.

Your poor sister.

[The Mikado]

God, sometimes I hate the internet.

[The Mikado]

No, the 'Mods' have confirmed otherwise, who do you think you are?

Sending a picture of yourself to Alcon saying "SilentSpade of Atlas Forum" doesn't mean that you don't post from a proxy.

This is genius.

[The Mikado]

Happyguy, please, elaborate, what would he be drinking?

Semen. A glass full of semen.

Al is a model poster and you should all seek to emulate him.

[The Mikado]

Friendly reminder: the Goldmine is not for flamewars.  Take it outside.

This thread is for funny things.  Funny!

Oh, damn, I'm running afoul of this myself: better think of something funny.

Why did the chicken cross the road...no.

Knock, knock, whose...no.

I got it!

In United States, you drive car.

In Soviet Russia, car drives you!

See, it's funny because the commies do everything backwards! 

[The Mikado]

Mikado. (looking at paper) Dear, dear, dear! this is very tiresome. (to Ko-Ko) My poor fellow, in your anxiety to carry out my wishes you have beheaded the heir to the throne of Japan!

In his defence, Einzige was one of the five most influential posters on here. The mods just didn't realise it.

[The Mikado]

My point is McVeigh's friends were murdered by our government for NO reason at all and that can trigger some troubling emotions for someone.

Leaving aside your disturbing "NO reason at all" comment for a moment, could you please describe the relationship between the Waco residents and McVeigh, exactly?  You described them as "friends".

Of course. McVeigh was one of the 9 ppl who escaped from Waco the day that their home was burnt down.

Ah, so when facts appear to working against you, make up new ones!

I heard Barack Obamas birth certificate was created in Waco.

[The Mikado]

Sometimes, New Jersey

It occasionally happens that I'll hit post accidentally before I finish the post.  In this case, it seems that Tweed did that intentionally.  I don't know how I

[The Mikado]

Here's my shot at it:

"In the wake of a fourth horrific attack on Chinese schoolchildren – this time by a crazed man who on Friday beet five toddlers with a hammer, then set himself on fire with two other children in his arms – the shocked and bruised nation was of two distinctly different minds.   

On the Internet and the newspapers, people agonized whether in their tightly regimented society, a boiling cauldron of change with no pressure valve was blowing its lid.
In the halls of government, however, the emphasis was on preventing the steam from escaping at all."

pardon?

I rephrased it.  I thought that's what you meant.  Did you want us to read it out loud for you?  Because if so, someone else will have to, I don't have a microphone at the moment.

How is this funny? 

[The Mikado]

Bacon King owns Vane:

Serious question: Why did Purple State stop posting around the forum once he got into Fantasy politics? Well over 90% of his posts are on the Fantasy elections and fantasy Government boards. It just seems odd for someone to join the site posting like a normal person and then stop once they register in Atlasia (let's pretend that his entry to Atlasia wasn't at all suspicious).

LOL

LOL LOL

You are seriously insinuating that PurpleState posts on the forum just because of his ambition to become the powerless head honcho in an imaginary political game, and that this desire has led him through years of planning, Machiavellian strategy, and extreme personality-masking? You, of all people, are suggesting this? You, Hamilton, the man that joined Atlasia, recruited zombie voters galore, personally destroyed the RPP from within, attempted to make political deals to give PiT the presidency, masterminded a vote-shuffling plan that put the entire northeastern region in your pocket?

I'll admit that PurpleState's push to restart the GM Office seemed a bit self-serving, considering he's been GM ever since- but that's really irrelevant; when he was trying to restart the office he let it be known to everyone he thought he could make a great Game Moderator- and look, he has! Without a shred of personal gain, I might add. Really, PS has always been one to put Atlasia first and himself second, always trying to make the game more fun rather than, I don't know, plotting to have the most power in a pretend politics game on the internet.

This is like "the pot calling the kettle black", except instead of being black the "kettle" is actually a rather large white chinaware plate with a fancy blue pattern around the edges. Also, the pot's been thrown out the window because it was moldy and giving the kitchen a bad smell so now it's shouting its accusations by pretending to be a baking tray.

[The Mikado]

Quote fáil.

Quite right, good sir.

Let me make up for it with this item of pbrower's (I edited out the boring parts)

1.
2.
2.
3.
4.

[The Mikado]

Quote fáil.

Quite right, good sir.

Let me make up for it with this item of pbrower's (I edited out the boring parts)

1.
2.
2.
3.
4.

LOLZ. Poor pbrower, the Rodney Dangerfield of the forum. I feel for him.

I just thought that pointing out that the legendary political scientist Pbrower couldn't count was worthwhile.    And look at his posting history.  You'll stop feeling sorry for him very quickly.  You'll also be calling for whisky: neat, and keep them coming.

[The Mikado]

not really Jewish, am Baptist.

I believe your brain is literally crying for a break from Atlas.

My friend, one day you will know my reasoning for going insane.

Robitussin?

[The Mikado]

Two posts from different threads.  Taken together they make a fascinating combination:

THEY WERE HERE!!!!!!! The marshians came into contact with our first civilizations because their planet was no longer livable. They mated with earth women in certain cultures which created the first beliefs in celestial beings which would become known as gods in Egypt, Mesopotamia, Babylon, and eventually Greece and Rome. Most of such societies had myths of gods mating with earth women to create divine beings like Gilgamesh, Helen of Troy, and Hercules. While these stories maybe highly symbolic they still reflect a basic belief. Do you really think that cavemen suddenly had the capacity to build pyramids and tools. No, they were taught by the aliens which were eventually remembered as gods. There are myths that speak of how the gods were able to BREATHE ON EARTH suggesting that they wore space gear when coming from outer space. Ever seen ancient art? There are images of beings that look like a combination of odd creatures wearing what appears to be modern day space gear. Look this stuff up it's in my books. Furthermore ask yourselves why we are SO DIFFERENT from any other species on earth. We walk upright, have opposable thumbs, and can think logically. The missing link in evolution has been found. We are actually descendants from marshans. This doesn't take away religion either. In fact if you look at creation stories from this point of view you'll realize that the gods or God who created us lived outside of our planet and there wasn't an evolutionary process.

stop reading more into what I type than what is there

[The Mikado]

No

Click, read the title of the thread.

[The Mikado]

A young herring has set a sharpshooting record?

An old joke, but serviceable.