I thank you guys for the concern. I spent a good 8 years on antidepressants during the nadir of my mom's suffering. They numb you and make you level headed when stress and anxiety spin you into a manic depressive frenzy.
After my mom died I realized the main source of my anxiety and depression was due to her because my depression and anxiety morphed into intense relief. I had lived her suffering and grieved her loss slowly over the 19 years of my now 29 that she was very ill.
This was compounded a month later by a very gruesome suicide attempt by my step father. I've had the unfortunate privilege of literally seeing the inside and outside of two people in this world I care for very deeply...and I unfortunately can't help but see a sick poetic justice behind it that enrages me. That's why I PMed you hockeydude. I tried to relate on the level of 'the world sucks mr suicidal just got out of the army but there is hope no matter what'. I hope you can understand there's nothing wrong with me there...only your reaction.
Anyway...to the heart of the matter, figuratively and literally...i finally weened off of anti depressants after I felt I was ready. Maybe too quickly. And so I got a tidal wave of emotion that turned from nervousness to something approximating joy...and I gobbledigooked it out all over the forum and scared the sh**t out of you.
When you run on emotions you think everything is connected cuz emotions connect you to things. Hence the gobbledigook in the gobbledigook
There's nothing wrong with me. There's actually something right about me. Please bear with me while I figure it out. And thanks.
