Update XXI: "Scientific Facts Are Not Hard And Fast Rules."

[memphis]

Bushie, do you have a problem with binge eating? You're not alone if you do.

[memphis]

Bushie, do you have a problem with binge eating? You're not alone if you do.

Binge as in I eat and eat and eat seemingly without stop?  Not really.  I eat a lot, but I really don't binge on anything except maybe cokes.  My problem is the choices I make and not liking the idea of cooking for one.  It's no fun cooking for just one person.

You binge cokes? You drink several at one setting?

[memphis]

Mama Bushie is the worst! Won't allow Bushie to use the oven. Tries to steer him away from legit employment. Is the source of the clockwatching, the headaches and the enchilada casserole. I know criticizing a person's mother is not nice but somebody must call this woman out already.

[memphis]

I would like to know more about the coke binges. How much coke does he drink in one binge? How frequently does he binge? Is he ashamed of his binges and is that why we've never heard of them until now?

[memphis]

I would like to know more about the coke binges. How much coke does he drink in one binge? How frequently does he binge? Is he ashamed of his binges and is that why we've never heard of them until now?

It happens more than I want to admit, but there are hours on end that I constantly have a can of coke or diet dr pepper next to me.  The last time this happened was this past weekend when I had a coke next to me pretty much all day until the last hour or so before bed time.  I don't chug the cokes, but I constantly sip on one.  I don't feel as bad when it's Diet Dr Pepper as that has no calories, but still it's something I need to break away from.

Are you sipping from the same can all day or are you putting away a 12 pack? It makes a difference. How much soda did you drink that day? I know how you feel. I also grew up drinking exclusively Coke, except at my grandmother's, where I drank Diet Coke.

[memphis]

I think the reason why Mom was a little hesitant about the new job is every time there has been physical labor I "hid under the bed"..  She's right, I have shied away from a lot of physical labor in my nearly 33 years, but I reassured her that I am more mature now and ready to settle into a career.  I've got to prove to her that I can do this and that I'm not blowing hot air.

Physical labor? You're working at a grocery, not digging ditches...

[memphis]

Mama Bushie looks down on people who work at groceries. They're doing "physical labor." People in call centers, on the other hand, have very prestigious jobs.

[memphis]

Nah, Homer was never monstrously fat. Just sort of "average" fat. Chief Wiggum and Comic Book Guy are both noticably fatter than Homer. Fat inflation is a real thing though. I remember seeing Roseanne back in the 90s and she and John Goodman looked really damn fat. I see those episodes now, and they're still fat, but no longer in a shocking way.

[memphis]

Allison's facial is looking ominous again...

[memphis]

People don't need to be "conditioned" to like sugar. It releases a quick rush of dopamine on the brain. Bushie is a hardcore junkie, not in cute and hyperbolic metaphorical way, but in a literal, can't control this substance even though it is slowly killing him, sense. This is way beyond his ability to control.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15987666

[memphis]

I've had a life insurance policy since 2005.  It's a pretty big one, too.

WHY???

Who do you provide for monetarily that would be desolate if something unfortunate occurred?

I hope I'm not coming across as rude, but I don't understand the logic in that. Who's paying these premiums?

He sold a scammy life insurance product many years ago. I believe (after paying for about a dozen trials to pass the licensure test) the policy he sold himself ended being the only deal he closed.

[memphis]

Given Bushie's current weight and who has been paying the bills all these years, it's interesting to think that Papa may just get that retirement after all.

[memphis]

Bushie, are you familiar with the Fat Acceptance Movement?

[memphis]

Bushie, are you familiar with the Fat Acceptance Movement?

No, I am not aware.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fat_acceptance_movement
Long story short, they say you are good enough the way you are and shouldn't feel like you need to change.

[memphis]

Bushie, have you been increasing your walking any so you don't die at work?

It's already March 6. You only have two precious weeks until you start. Take advantage of them.

I haven't done that, but I did stand on my feet for 2 hours straight at the Sprint Store yesterday.  I wasn't tired because I kept moving around looking at all the different displays.

Wow, congratulations! You stood up for 2 hours! What an impressive display of physical prowess.

I'm sure he did some serious leaning though.

[memphis]

He doesn't have to pay for his phone because the people at Sprint agreed to just add it to his monthly bill. Wasn't that super duper nice of them?
Oklahoma probably does get excellent service. Not because they're so advanced, but because they're so flat and open. Mountains, even those in densely settled places in California, are the enemy of good phone reception.

[memphis]

Your bill won't go up because you already have one of the scamtastic installation deals already built in. If you didn't upgrade, your bill would go down substantially. It's like you enjoy being scammed.

[memphis]

Bushie has his own Sprint account with unlimited everything AND has a Buy Your Phone on Installments built in. His phone bill must be $150-$200/month.

[memphis]

How do you upgrade your phone each year? AT&T only lets me get a new phone every two years.

Sprint lets you buy the phone on installments and they add the cost of the phone on your bill each month. Of course, they charge an arm and a leg for this "service." You end up paying far more than full retail price for the phone.

[memphis]

Bushie, do you also have a landline? Wouldn't surprise me.

[memphis]

So, Bushie has
1. Unlimited Everything Phone Plan
2. Installment Pay Phone
3. Landline (!)
4. Home Internet
5. Super Duper Premium Cable Package
6. Scammy Life Insurance
7. Multiple Credit Cards with interest
8. Student Loans
9. Kenyan Children
10. Unnecessary Apartment
11. Unecessary Apartment's utilities
12. Very frequent eating out
13. Gas/Car Maintenance
14. Car insurance
15. Misc scams
All while chronically unemployed...

[memphis]

Of course his (unused) tablet has its own seperate data plan as well....

[memphis]

Chef Boyardee is "homemade?" If you like it, fine, whatever, but homemade? Srsly?

[memphis]

Yeast is a very tempermental thing. It takes forever to bake your own bread. How does Chef B handle this?

[memphis]

Flimwad? Did Bushie just invent a curse word? I like it.

In a stunning role reversal, the Update writers have begun referencing classic Onion articles. Brilliant!
http://www.theonion.com/articles/gaywads-dorkwads-sign-historic-wad-accord,668/