Bushie: The Final Frontier - Update Season V

[Bacon King]

I will admit that there are times when I think I am mildly bi-polar.  I do tend to go from one mood extreme to the other in my personal life, often within a manner of minutes.  That may explain a lot of what has happened in the past and even now.  I'm too scared to go get tested for bi-polar as I know my ex-fiancee' Susan had to spend $3,000 a month for medicine if it weren't for her Medicaid.  I am also afraid that a bi-polar diagnosis would automatically condemn me to being a bachelor the rest of my life and dying alone.  Now, mind you, I am only bi-polar in private.  In public or even with just one other person in the room, I am very mellow and usually very kind and thoughtful.

The worst mood I have around others is just being a little cranky from time to time.

Jeff, in spite of my better judgement I'm going to try to give you some advice and words of wisdom here. I don't really like talking about my personal life on the forum, especially regarding such negative topics, but I'm trying to reach out here and help you. I hope you'll at least give my words some serious consideration, let them sink in a little, or something.

I have bipolar disorder and have been diagnosed as such for several years now. Sometimes it's manageable, but other times it can be extremely bad. In the highs of my mania I've made some incredibly bad decisions, going on ridiculous binges of all sorts (I've watched four seasons straight of 30 Rock on Netflix with zero breaks, I've impulsively spent an entire day constructing a map of the Earth out of torn-up green and blue Post-it notes, I've had sex with five girls in one evening, I've spent an entire day looking through economic data to argue with CARLHAYDEN, etc, etc, etc); in the worst of my depressive episodes I've gone days without leaving my bed and weeks without leaving my home.

While I'm normally not nearly so bad, those are the psychological extremes I have to face from myself. Bipolar disorder has, of course, impacted my life greatly: I've ruined more friendships and romances than I can count, I've had plenty of trouble getting a job, and I'm three semesters behind in school due to psychiatric leaves of absence. I was stubborn for a long time and refused proper treatment, accepting only an anti-anxiety medication to lessen the worst of the manic episodes as well as the racing negative thoughts of depression.

However, last Autumn things became unbearably bad- I stopped going to class, broke away from all my friends and relationships, thought constantly of suicide, and was almost institutionalized. Ultimately, a couple of months ago I finally gave in and was prescribed a mood stabilizer and an anti-depressant. I simply can't understate how much better my life is now, thanks to this medication. It has honestly worked wonders and I feel I can reach my potential so much more fully. Sure, I'll still have some weird mood fluctuations from time to time, but nothing nearly as bad as before. I feel genuinely stable in a way I didn't even know was possible before; the constant flipping between mental extremes was something I'd just taken as a fact of life.

I'm no doctor, of course, but I've been reading the Update Threads for years so in a limited extent I've gotten to know you. Through your writings, I can understand the way you think, and the thing is, I relate to it. Though our personalities may differ greatly, I feel as if our thought processes are often very similar. In that vein, I've seen ample evidence over the years that seems to indicate you might have Bipolar Disorder as well. Even if you feel like you can't really relate to the description of myself above, no two cases are identical and I doubt your extremes would be as severe as mine anyways.

I highly recommend you get a consultation with a psychiatrist. Even if you don't have insurance, this should only cost you $25-100, or even cheaper at some places that give discounted rates for those with low income. Don't worry about the cost of medicine, either: just ask for generics if you're prescribed anything, and get it filled at the Walmart Pharmacy (they charge almost nothing for most generics). Just remember to be completely honest with the doctor, because he's the one who will be trying to diagnose you, and it's in your best interest to be properly treated. Also, don't worry about the stigma of a diagnosis; trust me, the positive results of accurate treatment infinitely outweighs one's pride.

Ask me any questions you need to, Jeff, and I really hope this helps you because I want you to be well. I feel weird making this post because it's such a personal issue for me, and this whole thing has basically been stream-of-consciousness because if I look back to edit such a sensitive subject I'd certainly have second thoughts about posting it at all. I'm avoiding these reservations and trying to reach out to you here, so I hope you take my advice to heart rather than shrugging it off like you seem to do so often with others who try to help you. Regardless, best of luck to you.

-Justin


PS: Pretty much everyone here has good recommendations for you, but I think you should especially listen to Torie. I'm pretty sure he could bill someone $500 an hour for the advice he's been doling out here for free.

[Bacon King]

BK why do you think you resisted  talking meds, until in extremis?  Yes, that is common, and in the case of my relative, his reasons for not taking them were illogical nonsense (which attended his condition), but if you care to share on that, if Jeff has an issue, it might be helpful to him.

Honestly, I just found it more comfortable to pretend everything was okay and normal even when it clearly wasn't, often to the point that I was completely deluding myself about the state of my own mental well-being. I didn't want to be what I thought of as a "crazy person" (for lack of a better term) so I ignored the warning signs for years until it was almost too late. Whenever something bad happened to me because of my Bipolar, I just rushed forward and either focused excessively on future plans or lived entirely in the moment as a way of keeping my mind off whatever I'd messed up. It also didn't help that I tend towards mania more so than depression, and manic periods often include a bit of mild euphoria, so most of the time I genuinely did feel that everything was completely fine.

[Bacon King]

I've had sex with five girls in one evening

Forgive me for being glib, but we're all guys here so we're all wondering the same thing: How in the name of God's Green Earth did you manage to accomplish this?

Haha, well, I'll try to keep this succinct so as not to go into any inappropriate details.

I spent the afternoon with a friend, her and I buying groceries for a southern-style breakfast we were going to cook for our friends in the dorm. We got back and were hanging out in her room. I had gotten vibes that she was attracted to me (and she kept making jokes of a recording she made outside the door of a mutual friend I was sleeping with who happened to be far too vocal) and I had some time to kill before going to a party that evening; I impulsively asked her, "hey, would you wanna have sex?" She responded in the affirmative, so we did. Some great benefits were added to our friendship that day.

Afterwards, I left to get ready for the party but quickly received a text message bluntly stating, "come over and [Inks] me" from the aforementioned overly-vocal friend (that was kinda how our friendship worked) so then that happened.

I had a good time at the party and at one point began conversing with  two girls I met through through a mutual friend. While I was talking with them my roommate texted me to inform me I was sexiled for the night and they immediately offered that I could sleep on the sofa in their apartment. They both became increasingly friendly and flirtatious, and I reciprocated in kind. As the party was winding down we departed- as we walked I placed an arm around both of them without thinking about it, and they both reciprocated the gesture. When we got back to their place things immediately became frisky and a threesome quickly ensued.

It lasted a while, but afterwards I realized in an awkward situation- they were ready for sleep and I'd have to choose which bed to sleep in (it turns out the sofa was an awkwardly tiny love seat anyway so that was never really an option). I made an excuse to leave, saying that my fraternity brothers needed me to buy more beer since I was Treasurer and thus the only one with access to the Frat Cash.

I went to the bar next to campus (The Boot) hoping to run into someone as the night was winding down. I saw a girl I knew from my Spanish class as soon as I walked in; she came up to me and we talked, after a while we went back to her place, had sex, then fell asleep.

My apologies for derailing the thread and going on such a tangent about my private life, but I hope this answers the questions you guys had.

[Bacon King]

Haha, thanks everyone

I felt guilty about derailing BushOK's thread like this, but hell - if I'm going to spill my heart out to try and reach out to him with the most emotional EffortPost I've ever written and have him completely ignore it, I have to say I feel a tiny bit justified here.

Bravo, Bacon King, bravo.

^^^^^^
Please forgive me, but your story reminded me of this so much.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/manicdepressive-friend-a-blast-while-manic,1521/

It's also nice to see that the Boot is still inspiring late night hijinks. That place must have the highest under 21 to over 21 ratio of any bar in the country. Some things in life never change.

LOL at the article. It does hit pretty close to home

And of course- the Boot is nothing less than a Tulane fixture! Boot o'clock is always the worst/best time of the night for everyone still standing (though I think Tuck's would have beat it on age ratio until it closed down).

[Bacon King]

Do you guys think Bushie got fired? Not quite buying the whole "my company doesn't like two week notices".

 says he just didn't get kept on at the end of his temp-contract

[Bacon King]

I'm not surprised that he didn't work out a 2 weeks. Although I do have a strange feeling he was actually let go at the end of his contract. Was it a 6 month temp-to-hire contract? Has it been 6 months? Do they have to wait the entire 6 months to decide whether to hire him?

Yeah, generally I think you'd know before the absolute last minute if you were on a contract and they wanted to keep you, no?

[Bacon King]

You're taking a "detour" that increases your travel time by 70% JUST to avoid snow? And now your new route has snow anyway? You know, the interstates are pretty much always salted well in advance, especially in states more accustomed to large amounts of snowfall. I don't know too much about AZ's climate but I wouldn't be surprised if it's actually easier for you to go through WY than AZ.

Of course, this is BushOK though and there's always a subtext. Anyone wanna bet he has some elaborate excuse for visiting a casino when he's just "passing through" Vegas and ends up spending away all the gas money his parents gave him?

edit- then he would get stuck there and poor Joe might actually have to put up with him

[Bacon King]

As a man who keeps track of minutes, hours and seconds, what date were you let go?

Monday, February 18, 2013 at 9:45 am.

I'd guess more toward the first of the month, before you started other interviews.

^^^^^

I also find it a bit unrealistic that he'd be fired first thing Monday morning.

[Bacon King]

You can't seriously expect us to believe that you quit your job, threw away all the money you had invested in moving to Utah, wasted money on gas, lodging, etc. for the return trip to Oklahoma all so you can personally drive by the house you don't live in anymore once or twice a day to "check on it"?

Whether you believe it or not, I can't do anything about, but whether you believe it or not doesn't change the truthfulness of the situation.

"HA, I can use vague statements to make people believe my lies without technically having to make them!"

[Bacon King]

I just want to post oakvale's "Smug Bushie" smiley again in case people missed it the first time:

[Bacon King]

Can I pay extra for the Too Hot for Update content? I'm willing to go Premium.

^^^^^

This would totally be a viable income stream.

Have you considered publishing this memoir? It's alreadey written. People love it! The English departments at major universities could spend years "deconstructing and analyzing" the Update. There's a lot to work with and it's in a new, intriguing format. Go with what you do well. This is it. Employment is not it. Although I think a good stint at a grocery is still a good idea.

And this is even better. If you didn't know, BRTD saved the "missing" Update thread as a PDF before he deleted it, so the entire record still exists. Hell, Bushie, I'll edit it all together for you if I can get a cut of the profits.