A good friend is not doing well and I feel like I've been the cause of his life-threatening problems. I'm not safe and I want to do myself harm.
Please, try talk to someone whom you trust and whom you know cares about you as soon as possible. Don't do anything you might regret. You should have people around you to ask for help, and they certainly can do more than anonymous people on an internet message board.
Sage advice, Dr Phil, but riddle me this: Who joins a political forum and 6 posts in starts a thread like this? Expect Inks to update the recent ban thread later.