In a stunning upset, the contested Democratic convention nominated moderate Virginia Senator Tom Parrotstein over a field of progressives. He was up against Montana Governor Indy Rep (pardon the ridiculous name
). However, once a progressive third party challenge arose, combined with the national dissatisfaction with the Democratic party, it became clear that Parrotstein would lose. In a
bizarre step epic trolling, he withdrew his name from the New Hamphire ballot (the Progressives didn't make the deadline).
On election night, the angriest victory speech in the history of the Unites States was destined to occure...