Another thing Im curious about is why wont the EU just cut the strings already?
Hasn't this already been explained? What you describe is not actually an option outside of the realms of fantasy. 'No Deal' would not mean 'no deal' but would actually mean the need for rather a lot of deals and the endless negotiations that would necessarily precede them. There is no option that allows either party to just end things and move on to matters they'd rather discuss.
I thought No Deal meant using WTO rules?