Commonwealth of Frémont • 25th Parliament

[Trans Rights Are Human Rights]

AN ACT
To appeal to both anti-men and pro-men political forces in the region


Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

Section 1. Title

This legislation may be cited as the Manhood Is Still A Sin Act.

Section 2. Purpose

i. Whereas, the Bible, a millennia-old sci-fi best-seller, declares that God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, His only Son. But at the same time, we're all His children, so in His eyes, we're a bunch of girls, and to be a man is to defile the Lord and His only Son.
ii. Whereas, the previous attempt to ban men in the Commonwealth of Frémont was overly invasive and was thus repealed immediately.
iii. Whereas, Sovereign, the second installment of the Nemesis trilogy, our as-of-yet incomplete ultimate moral arbiter on Earth, ends with Graywytch attempting to murder everybody with a Y chromosome.
iv. Therefore, directly reducing the amount of men in the Commonwealth of Frémont is playing right into her hands.
v. Now therefore, the Frémont Parliament does hereby pass this act to protect the public health and morals of the Commonwealth of Frémont.

Section 3. Amending the Bessell-Truman Transgender Rights Act

i. Section 3 of the Bessell-Truman Transgender Rights Act is amended as such:

i. Persons may choose to have their official gender noted as any of the following designations:
(a) Female (F)
(b) Intersex (I)
(c) Male (M)
(dc) Neutral (N)
(ed) Other (O)

ii. Existing persons who have chosen to have their official gender noted as Male will be reassigned to Other, as will newborns who are determined to be male at birth.
iii. This act shall take effect immediately.

A RESOLUTION
To promote anti-pro-heterosexual rhetoric


Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

1. It is the position of the Commonwealth of Frémont that the following movies, art, and other intellectual properties owned by Disney are not racist, sexist, bigoted, or otherwise problematic to modern society:

Film

A. Encanto (2021) (the stressed out muscle mommy character all the lesbians love--Luisa)

B. Turning Red (2022) (the whole revolves-around-Mei-being-horny,-then-bleeding-out-of-her-wherever fact)

Television Series

A. Gravity Falls (2012 - 2016) (IDK, I've never watched Gravity Falls, I just put this here for the sake of completeness)

B. Star vs. the Forces of Evil (2015 - 2019) (They said "gay" in the form of "we just weren't the best match", alongside the titular character's blatant bisexuality)

C. Amphibia (2019 - 2022) (They said "gay" in the form of "finally me, but it's no big deal", alongside Anna Akana deciding her character, much like herself, was bi)

D. The Owl House (2020 - 2023) (They said "gay" in the form of "awesome girlfriend")

2. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby condemns any proposed censorship or trigger warnings pertaining to the above listed intellectual properties from their original presentations.

3. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby congratulates the crews of Amphibia and The Owl House for their 2022 nominations for the Outstanding Kids and Family Programming GLAAD Media Award.

4. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby condemns the Southern Region for putting Adventures in Babysitting on its list, if only because I wanted to put it on my list as the token 1980s film to match Tango and Cash on my Warner Bros. list. I didn't even know people considered Adventures in Babysitting to be racist, sexist, or bigoted. I suppose I still could put Adventures in Babysitting on here, if only because I'm still pissed that Disney+ hasn't uncensored it yet despite the fact that the Netflix MCU shows are on there now. We'll see how this fares in debate.

5.  It is the position of the Commonwealth of Frémont that should the holder of the copyright of any intellectual property listed herein claim to permanently halt and prohibit the redistribution of any copyrighted movie, short, or cartoon, or any scene or character therefrom, such copyright shall be null and void and the movie, short, cartoon, or the scene or character therefrom shall be a part of the public domain.

6. This act shall take effect immediately.

A RESOLUTION
To promote anti-pro-heterosexual rhetoric


Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

1. It is the position of the Commonwealth of Frémont that the following movies, art, and other intellectual properties owned by Warner Bros. Discovery are not racist, sexist, bigoted, or otherwise problematic to modern society:

Film

A. Tango and Cash (1989) (They're queer-coded, Your Honor)

Television

A. Steven Universe (2013 - 2020) (Fruity Pebbles)

B. Green Eggs and Ham (2019 - 2022) (Season 1. Need I say more?)


2. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby condemns any proposed censorship or trigger warnings pertaining to the above listed intellectual properties from their original presentations.

3. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby condemns the recent decision of Warner Bros. Discovery to cancel Batgirl in favor of a tax writeoff when The Flash was right there, among other notable bullsh**t decisions by David Zaslav.

4. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby recommends to Warner Bros. Animation that they make the Dreadnought movie. That's what the South means when they suggest "new and interesting characters of [diverse] backgrounds", right?

5. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby condemns Jared Stern for not giving us more Guy/Sam content in Green Eggs and Ham: The Second Serving (2022).

6. The Commonwealth of Frémont also condemns Jared Stern for not giving Gluntz a girlfriend in The Second Serving.

7.  It is the position of the Commonwealth of Frémont that should the holder of the copyright of any intellectual property listed herein claim to permanently halt and prohibit the redistribution of any copyrighted movie, short, or cartoon, or any scene or character therefrom, such copyright shall be null and void and the movie, short, cartoon, or the scene or character therefrom shall be a part of the public domain.

8. This act shall take effect immediately.

I fully expect Scott to refuse to put any of these on the floor, but here are my first three bills.

[Trans Rights Are Human Rights]

AN ACT
To address words that sound so nasty

Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

TITLE I: PURPOSE AND ENACTMENT

1. The Parliament of Frémont does hereby pass this act to protect the public health and morals of the Commonwealth thereof, so as

2. This act shall take effect immediately.

TITLE II: SODOMY

1. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby recognizes that the Southern Region is set to pass a permanent extension of their Monkeypox Prevention Act;

2. That accordingly, the Commonwealth of Frémont extends an invitation to those who intend to have threesomes, gay, gay bathhouses and 'round the clock sex in the South to do so in Frémont instead.

AN ACT
To make Rambo great again

Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

1. It is the position of the Commonwealth of Frémont that there is only one (1) film featuring the character of John Rambo: First Blood (1982). Films purporting to be part of a franchise based on the character are lackluster imitations. Any reference by the Commonwealth of Frémont to Sergeant Rambo shall solely apply to his characterization in the film enumerated herein, or the 1972 novel upon which it was based. No Regional funds shall be expended to purchase or promote any Rambo films.

2. This act shall take effect immediately.

AN ACT
To reject the South's theocracy and substitute our own

Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

SECTION 1: REGARDING OUR BUSES

Within one (1) year of the passage of this bill, all public school systems receiving Regional funds shall permanently affix to all of its public school buses the following:

A. On both exterior sides decals stating “One Commonwealth Under Dreadnought” of a size and font so as to be visible by motorists passing the school bus.

B. On the exterior back a decal stating “In Danielle Tozer We Trust” of a size and font so as to be visible by motorists directly behind the school bus,

C. Any public school system failing to mark all of their public school buses as such shall have their Regional funding cut by 5% per year until such time as all public school buses comply with the law. Public School systems may use currently appropriated regional funding to offset any costs incurred in marking school buses pursuant to this act.

SECTION 2: REGARDING OUR AIRPORTS

1. Seattle–Tacoma International Airport (SEA) shall henceforth be known as Danielle Tozer International Airport.

2. Portland International Airport (PDX) shall henceforth be known as April Daniels International Airport.

3. San Francisco International Airport (SFO) shall henceforth be known as Kinetiq International Airport.

4. Tucson International Airport (TUS) shall henceforth be known as John Rambo International Airport.

5. Denver International Airport (DEN) shall, pending the construction of a new airport in the Denver area, be closed and turned into an alien suburb.

6. The new Denver Airport shall be known as Saira Rao International Airport.

AN ACT
To quit pandering to cis people

Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

1. All uses of the word transgender in any Fremont law or regulation shall be revised mutatis mutandis to and defined as the word non-cisgender.

2. All uses of the phrases Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist or TERF, in any Fremont law or regulation shall be revised mutatis mutandis to and defined as the phrases Cis Rights Activist or CRA, respectively.

3. All uses of the phrases biological sex, biological male, or biological female, in any Fremont law or regulation shall be revised mutatis mutandis to and defined as the phrases assigned sex at birth, assigned male at birth, and assigned female at birth, respectively.

4. It is the position of the Commonwealth of Fremont that the word woman, or, in this case, girl, can be defined in accordance with Dreadnought, the first of our three ultimate moral arbiters on Earth:

You feel like you're a girl, you live it, it's part of you? Then you're a girl.

5. This act shall take effect immediately.

I think I've gotten everything across.

[Trans Rights Are Human Rights]

AN ACT
To show support for Frémont culture

Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

A. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby designates and affirms the following lists:

Culturally Significant Films

1. First Blood (1982)
2. The Karate Kid (1984)
3. The Karate Kid, Part II (1986)
4. The Karate Kid, Part III (1989)

Culturally Significant Songs

1. "For Crying Out Loud" - written by Jim Steinman, most famously performed by Meat Loaf in 1977
2. The Official Anthem of the Commonwealth of Frémont and any former such Anthems
3. Any Official Song of a State in the Commonwealth of Frémont and any former such Songs

Culturally Significant Television Series

1. Frasier (1993 - 2004)
2. New Girl (2011 - 2018)
3. Star vs. the Forces of Evil (2015 - 2019)
4. Cobra Kai (2018 - 2022?)
5. Amphibia (2019 - 2022)

Culturally Significant Books

1. Dreadnought (2017)
2. Sovereign (2017)

B. This act shall take effect immediately.

I'm willing to add more to this list, but I'm not willing to remove any of these except maybe Star, the regional anthems, and the state songs.

[Trans Rights Are Human Rights]

A RESOLUTION
To promote anti-pro-heterosexual rhetoric


Be it enacted by the Parliament of Frémont assembled;

1. It is the position of the Commonwealth of Frémont that the following movies, art, and other intellectual properties owned by Warner Bros. Discovery are not racist, sexist, bigoted, or otherwise problematic to modern society:

Film

A. Tango and Cash (1989)

B. The Matrix (1999)

C. The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

D. The Animatrix (2003)

E. The Matrix Revelations (2003)

F. The Matrix Resurrections (2021)

Television

A. Steven Universe (2013 - 2020)

B. Green Eggs and Ham (2019 - 2022)


2. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby condemns any proposed censorship or trigger warnings pertaining to the above listed intellectual properties from their original presentations.

3. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby condemns the recent decision of Warner Bros. Discovery to cancel Batgirl in favor of a tax writeoff when The Flash was right there, among other notable bullsh**t decisions by David Zaslav.

4. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby condemns Warner Bros. Discovery for not producing new DC Animated Universe content for eleven years between the end of Justice League Unlimited in 2006 and the release of Batman and Harley Quinn in 2017.

5. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby recommends to Warner Bros. Animation that they make the Dreadnought movie. That's what the South means when they suggest "new and interesting characters of [diverse] backgrounds", right?

6. The Commonwealth of Frémont hereby condemns Jared Stern for not giving us more Guy/Sam content in Green Eggs and Ham: The Second Serving (2022).

7. The Commonwealth of Frémont also condemns Jared Stern for not giving Gluntz a girlfriend in The Second Serving.

8. It is the position of the Commonwealth of Frémont that should the holder of the copyright of any intellectual property listed herein claim to permanently halt and prohibit the redistribution of any copyrighted movie, short, or cartoon, or any scene or character therefrom, such copyright shall be null and void and the movie, short, cartoon, or the scene or character therefrom shall be a part of the public domain.

9. This act shall take effect immediately.

Ishan is right, not including The Matrix was a major oversight on my part. What the hell kind of tranny am I?