Office of Ted (Farewell Address)

[Mike Thick]

Esteemed Titan Of Atlasia Ted Bessell


Theodore Edward Bessell LXIX (2015, colorized)

Wikimedia Commons
Offices Held
Last Governor of the Pacific
First Governor of Frémont
Former Member of the House of Representatives
Former Senator from Frémont
Former Secretary of State
Former Frémont MP
Former Chairman of the Labor Party
Frémont MP (Again)
House of Representatives (Again)
Senator (Again)
Vice President of the Republic of Atlasia
President of Atlasia

Post Directory
May 4th, 2020 - Announcing Campaign for Frémont Parliament
May 7th, 2020 - Plan to Get Frémont Through the Coronavirus Crisis
May 21st, 2020 - Rest of Platform + GO VOTE!
May 24th, 2020 - Victory Speech
May 29th, 2020 - Update on Goings-On
June 21st, 2020 - Statement on Election to the House of Representatives
August 26th, 2020 - Statement on Election to the Senate
October 26th, 2020 - Statement on the MB/Bessell Ticket's Victory in the Presidential Election

Daddy's home.

[Mike Thick]

Ted Bessell Announces Candidacy for Parliament



Bessell announces his candidacy for Parliament via livestream

Wikimedia Commons

     Thanks for joining me tonight, everyone. I'm running for Parliament. Here's why.

     Since I retired from public life, I've spent my days in the backyard of my modest but weirdly imposing ranch-style home in Southern California, sipping mimosas with my much older wife. A comfortable existence? Sure. But not a fulfilling one. And when lady Atlasia calls, I answer.

     Since I helped found the Region, Frémont has never faced a crisis like the one it faces right now. The worst pandemic in a century is sweeping the country, and we're staring down the barrel of the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression. Our government has made great strides in helping out ordinary people, but we can and should do more.

     I will expand on my platform in the coming weeks, but I can tell you this: if elected, I will introduce legislation to protect Frémont's workers during this crisis, reduce food and housing insecurity, and protect everyday people from bearing the brunt of revenue shortfalls we may face due to this downturn.

     I will provide the kind of leadership that comes with years of experience. I have served as a Member of Parliament, a Congressman, a Senator, a Governor, a Cabinet Secretary, and the chairman of a major political party. I bring to this job the Atlasia expertise of an obsessed high school sophomore, but the maturity and improved work ethic of a, uh, college freshman. Yeah.

     I will provide leadership you can trust -- leadership you can trust to stay active, and leadership you can trust to protect those among us who need it most.

     Looking forward to getting back into the ring with all you guys. Yeet

[Mike Thick]

Endorsed!

Thank you! Appreciate the vote of confidence.

[Mike Thick]

Endorsed!

Endorsed.

we stan ted

Great honer! Thank you all for your support!


Today, I am releasing the first part of my platform, concerning an issue I think is on all our minds: how to get Frémont through the ongoing pandemic. The steps we've taken so far are a good start, but more action is needed.

Ted’s Plan to Get Frémont Through the Coronavirus Crisis:

 - We should use the funding the federal government has given us to continue ramping up testing capacity and to train an army of contact tracers. A program like the one Governor Gavin Newsom has pursued in California, where the state is repurposing thousands of state employees to contact-trace cases of COVID-19, can help Frémont mitigate the pandemic and bring back some of our economy.

 - Right now, it seems like we are successfully “flattening the curve” of spread -- however, there’s no guarantee that this will continue. To ensure that we can ease the load on our medical personnel if needed, we should organize a Frémont Health Corps of specialists and retired/volunteer medical professionals. Additionally, we can temporarily accelerate medical degree and residency programs, so med students and residents are ready to step in if needed.

 - We’ve all seen the images in the news: crops rotting in the fields as food banks run out of food across our region. It’s more cost-effective for farmers to let their harvest rot than it is for them to pay workers to harvest. Until supply chains are fixed and demand comes back, Frémont should pay farmers to farm, and donate the harvests to food banks. This is a simple, cost-effective step we can take to keep our citizens fed.

 - Regions, states, and municipalities will face massive losses of tax revenue soon -- I will lobby the federal government for a funding package to cover revenue shortfalls. We need help if we want to avoid grueling austerity measures during the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression.

 - While we’ll look at the exact math when the time comes, Frémont may have to make serious cuts to spending. I will do everything I can to minimize layoffs and pay cuts for middle and working-class state employees. 40% of Atlasians don’t have the savings to cover an unexpected $400 expense, let alone losing their job. Cutting their paychecks (or, worse, eliminating them entirely) will prolong this recession for everyone.


As always, questions -- comments, concerns, hopes, dreams, and fears too -- are welcome!

[Mike Thick]

I am looking forward to Ted-PSOL-ASV pow-wow sessions in the parliament.

I’ve worked with people from across the political spectrum before, and I’m looking forward to doing it again!

[Mike Thick]

Endorsed-good on you for running!

Endorsed, old friend! You will be great in parliament!

Thank you for your support, my dudes!

[Mike Thick]

Should have clarified, sorry. I actually support Frémont annexation of the entire South

[Mike Thick]

I'm on Team Ted!

I'm on Team Ted!

Endorsed!!

Thanks, fellas! Greatly appreciated.


Wow! Voting starts, uh, really soon! Be sure to vote here once polls open. I've been drafting and redrafting the rest of my platform for weeks, so I'll just dump it all here.

All the Rest: Making Frémont a Better Place

 - The rent is too damn high! I will introduce legislation to increase the housing supply and protect tenants, which will include (among other things) the abolition of single-family zoning, temporary rent controls, and policies to ensure that houses aren't held empty as a form of speculation while families are forced to the streets.

 - College students pay way too much for textbooks! I will introduce legislation to gradually transition the University of Frémont to open-source course materials, by co-opting the open-source system used by some CCs in California and buying out the rights to privately owned books as needed.

 - Migrant farmworkers are keeping our families fed during this pandemic, but historically they've been treated poorly by their employers. They should be protected -- they should be compensated fairly by their employers, and work in a safe environment with proper PPE. I will support legislation to achieve this goal.

 - I will introduce legislation to change the Frémont Anthem to something else. I won't tell you what it is yet. That would ruin the joke.


Thank you all for your support -- coming back to the game has reminded me of why it was so much fun the first time! Don't forget to vote!

[Mike Thick]

Victory!

Wikimedia Commons

We did it! This wasn't just a win for ya boy -- it was one of the largest Labor landslides in the history of Frémont! What a night! Thanks to everyone who got me here by supporting my campaign.

This, however, is only the beginning. Our region faces an enormous task: saving our citizens from a deadly pandemic while working to stave off the worst consequences of the coming recession. I have the utmost confidence that the new Parliament, particularly my friends FM Truman and Speaker OBD, are prepared for the challenge. I'm currently preparing some legislation to address these issues, which should be ready for introduction on the day I take office. Working together, we can come out of this catastrophe a better place to live.

It's crazy times we're living in, jack. Excited to make the most of it.

Solidarity forever!

[Mike Thick]

16. No Atlasian should be forced to live on the streets because they can't afford housing. The government must act to curb rising rents and prevent gentrification.

26. The American government's military aggression against Iraq and use of torture on prisoners of war, prior to the establishment of the Republic of Atlasia, were crimes against humanity. Former U.S. President George W. Bush, and any Atlasians responsible for the atrocities committed during these conflicts, must be criminally prosecuted.

28. Atlasia is not the world's policeman, and our military spending should be drastically reduced. The presence of Atlasia's armed forces abroad, except where absolutely necessary, should be eliminated.

Very pleased that all planks I introduced were voted into the Labor Platform! As you can see, there were three -- a broad affordable housing plank, a more specific plank calling for the prosecution of war criminals, and a broader antiwar plank. It's going to take effort to get these done -- a convention of your own party is easier to win over than Congress -- but there are plenty of people in this game who will put in the work to make it happen.

I've already introduced one piece of legislation -- the Frémont Fair Districts Act --  and I have some more spicy stuff in the pipeline! Onward and upward!

[Mike Thick]

Life comes at you fast.

Will have a better victory speech + lay out some priorities tomorrow.

[Mike Thick]

Wow. I honestly wasn't expecting to even run for House until this weekend, but here we are! What a trip.

Thank you to the fabulous folks at Labor who helped get me elected -- and congrats to all the fabulous Labor candidates who came out on top. Also, thank you to HCP -- it was to lose my first election as a declared candidate alongside you. Unfortunately, he has blocked me on Discord over my move back to Labor, but I trust that we'll patch things up eventually.

Some things:
 - I didn't expect that I would be leaving the HoC so soon! So, I'll dump some bills tomorrow to fulfill the rest of my campaign promises + take care of some other things OBD/Truman and I have talked about.
 - My first priority when I get to Congress will be to secure a phat bailout for the regions, whose budgets are going to fall apart without federal relief. I will also introduce legislation to improve labor rights, reduce economic and racial inequality, and help out our troubled healthcare system. Stay tuned!

Thanks for giving me another crack at Congress. Can't wait to get to work.

[Mike Thick]

Based

[Mike Thick]

Based

Okay, serious statement time: it'll be the honor of my career to serve you guys as VP, and I can't wait to start. Congrats to Pres.-elect MB, who will do a fantastic job, as well as to Ninja and LT, who ran the strongest Presidential campaign by the non-Labor folks in quite a while.

Nothing's final yet, but there are a number of qualified people who may end up filling my vacant seat. In the meantime, I'll continue to do my job and try to clean things up in the Senate before the end of the term.

Looking forward to getting to work for everyone.

[Mike Thick]

Statement on Transition of Power in Paflagonia
December 1st, 2020

Tonight, President MB recognized Gerta Baer as the legitimate leader of Paflagonia. I would like to extend my personal congratulations to Mrs. Baer, and my full support to her new goverment. In an era where democratic backsliding is increasingly pervasive, it is wonderful to see that some countries are moving in the right direction.

I urge Adolf Von Kummerspeck to cease his current shenanigans immediately, and I believe any nation supporting his current half-baked attempt at a coup should face immediate consequences. For the good of the Paflagonian people, it is time for Mr. Von Kummerspeck and his allies to sashay away.

[Mike Thick]

Statement on Events in Kansas
December 1st, 2020

I am deeply disturbed by the recent attempt on the life of Kansas Governor James Benson last week. We are all fortunate that the men and women of the FBI stopped this terroristic attack in its tracks.

Violence is never an acceptable way to settle political scores. I hope that all sides of the Kansas debate take this as an opportunity for reflection, and approach the issue with a newfound consideration for how powerful the words of public figures truly are.

I send my well wishes to the Governor and his family.

[Mike Thick]

Two months as VP down, two to go! I'm pretty happy with the job I've done so far -- by no means perfect, but for the most part the noticeboard has stayed updated and the threads have stayed moving. Thanks, as always, to Cao and Yankee for being there to pick up the slack when I miss things.

Thought I would open the floor to questions, comments, concerns, criticisms, insults, etc. If there's something I could be doing better, I want to know.

[Mike Thick]

Hi folks. Bumping this thread for a very non-special reason -- updated the noticeboard after falling behind for a few days, and wanted to open my PMs in case I've missed things. No presh. Hope you all are doing well.

[Mike Thick]

Just woke up did anything important happen in the past three hours

[Mike Thick]

Just woke up did anything important happen in the past three hours

you're president now

Thanks

[Mike Thick]

Before I hit the sack, thought I would give a rundown of the first full day.

I appointed Scott and FalterinArc, respectively, to take over as VP/DPOC. I’m confident that they have the institutional know-how to keep the wheels greased for the next two weeks. Seems like Congress likes them so far as well! Knock on wood, we can get both confirmed quickly.

I also issued a bunch of COVID-related executive orders, pretty much entirely focusing on the vaccine rollout. If I think of more stuff to do, there will be more. However, these should put us fairly securely on a path to 3M+ doses a day if all goes well. Suggestions are welcome — this is a team effort, and despite being the smartest and funniest and most attractive man in the game, I miss things sometimes.

Introduced a bill to fix some minimum wage law overlaps. Should pass pretty quickly. Just a simple thing I noticed during the Presidential campaign that we can fix.

Tomorrow I’m going to do some legislation related to COVID medical debt, and probably some more EOs.

Won’t make posts like this a regular thing — if I was another player, I probably wouldn’t be reading this — but it’s good to collate everything that happens somewhere.

[Mike Thick]

Just updated the WH post directory. Should be easier now to sift through all the executive orders. I think it's kind of useless to run through everything now when I'm doing a farewell speech in a few days, so I'm not going to.

If you have questions, or want me to explain any of the orders, more than happy to do so.

[Mike Thick]

My fellow Atlasians,

This country is in crisis. Sexual relationships within families are on the rise. Not only does this activity risk bringing a developmentally disabled child into the world — it creates an environment ripe for sexual abuse. This cannot go on.

Make no mistake — this is a federal issue. Sex between siblings and cousins, because of its detrimental public health impact, has a clear effect on interstate commerce. We cannot kick the can to the regions. We must act, and act now.

I am declaring a nationwide state of emergency due to the ongoing Incest Crisis. I will introduce measures into Congress to address this problem shortly.

1. I hereby declare a nationwide state of emergency due to the ongoing Incest Crisis.

[Mike Thick]

REPOSTING FROM WH THREAD

I'm honored to induct some very special folks into the Order of the Star of Atlasia. Quite simply, they have made the game better: they've made it more fun, they've made it better to play, or they've made great contributions on the policy side. In most cases, all three!

I've also selected some special IRL individuals to award the Star, for their contributions to this country and its people.

Please keep in mind that, while there are lots of deserving older players, most of them have received stars already. For that reason, and others, I've decided to focus on newbies and/or younger players.

I ask that you all take this opportunity to reflect on what makes this game, and country, great. We all have something to learn from the people on this list, regardless of our political leanings.


EO 51-037

By the power vested in me by the Order of the Star of Atlasia Act of 2016, I hereby order the following.

PLAYERS:

1. The following individuals are awarded the Silver Star of the Order of the Star of Atlasia (OSA(S))

 • Battista Minola, for maintaining terrific activity in the Parliament of Frémont, bringing a fresh pair of eyes to a game that deserves serious scrutiny, and providing the always invaluable perspective of a Northern Italian on Atlasian affairs.

 • FalterinArc, for his contributions to the AFE boards and Congress, and his eagerness to learn and grow over time.

 • Ishan, for taking the game as seriously as it should be taken (not that seriously!) and making Atlasia more entertaining for players of all political stripes.

 • KaiserDave, for his work in office, and for taking on challenges with spirit and ferocity, no matter how daunting.

 • Potus2036, for his remarkable shrewdness, and for getting me into all this mess five years ago.

 • Ninja, for helping get the NPC elections off the ground with dedicated and creative campaigning.

 • S019, for showing a remarkable ability to learn and grow over time, and recognizing that sometimes taking steps forward means falling on your kisser.

 • Hingle McCringleberry, for his service to the people of Colorado.


2. The following individuals are awarded the Gold Star of the Order of the Star of Atlasia (OSA(G))

 • bruhgmger, for his two years (!) of service as Secretary of State, and for doing his job even when his work went without public recognition.

 • HCP, for working ceaselessly to provide for his five-month-old triplets, but still making time to be a great friend.

 • Joseph Cao, for his tireless dedication to keeping the House of Representatives active, and taking on thankless jobs that most other players are loath to touch.

 • Oregon Blue Dog, for learning a lot about the game very quickly, doing a great job as a Congressman and MFP, and managing his time better than I ever did as a senior.

 • SevenEleven, for being a tremendously successful Speaker of the House in the face of difficult IRL circumstances, and -- to paraphrase a certain comedian -- eschewing the part of all of us that's a liar, in favor of the part of him that's a cool guy.


OTHERS:

3. The following individuals are awarded the Silver Star of the Order of the Star of Atlasia (OSA(S))

 • Jamelle Bouie, for his unfailingly terrific insights into Atlasian politics, history, culture, and cereal.

 • David Byrne, Chris Frantz, Tina Weymouth, and Jerry Harrison, known collectively as Talking Heads, for their enduring influence on Atlasian music.

 • Cesar Chavez, for the immense sacrifices he made to help Chicanos everywhere, and for doing Oxnard proud.

 • Kendrick Lamar Duckworth, for his contributions to Atlasian culture, and for shedding light on the struggles of men and women who are often forgotten.

 • Kyle Harvey, known professionally as KYLE, for his musical work and philanthropic activities in the town where he came up.

 • Jeannette Rankin, for standing up for what was right even when she stood alone.

 • Edward Snowden, for doing the right thing at immense personal cost.


4. The following individuals are awarded the Gold Star of the Order of the Star of Atlasia (OSA(G))

 • Frances Perkins, for transforming the Atlasian economy completely, and blazing a trail for countless Atlasian women to follow in the process.

 • Stephen Sondheim, for his contributions to Atlasian culture, and for his remarkable insight into being alive.

 • Thaddeus Stevens, for securing the liberty of generations of Atlasians he would never meet, and moving forward a great struggle for equality that we must carry on today.

 • Elie Wiesel, for emerging from horrific evil bearing a torch of peace, and showing countless people what it means to be an American.

 • Charlie Peterson, for being the best teacher a kid could ask for. We miss you.


There you have it! Congrats to all the inductees. Don't let it go to your head -- if there's one thing I learned from watching Boogie Nights with my mom, it's that titles can be misleading.

[Mike Thick]

REPOST FROM WHITE HOUSE THREAD

Farewell Address

Well, here we are! The end of the line.

Obviously, we've all known this was coming for a few weeks. I feel a little like I did when I was driving to my high school graduation: it creeps up on you, and there isn't enough time to process either the good times or the regrets. With five years in the game -- almost to the day -- there are plenty of both.

I have treated some people in this game really poorly. I have screwed up a lot. I was Chairman of the Labor Party, twice, and nearly blew up the Labor Party, twice. I let the First Frémont Constitution wreck my region's system of government because I was on vacation and didn't want to proofread. My most significant accomplishment as President was piledriving the repeal of what I expected to be my most significant accomplishment as a legislator. I will leave office later today without ever having signed a bill. Bummer.

However, I did get some stuff done. As President, I:

  •  Ramped up our vaccine rollout to 11, Spinal Tap style

  •  Took steps to clear all COVID-related medical debt

  •  Created a large pilot program for single-payer healthcare

  •  Established millions of acres of new National Monuments

  •  Appointed the first-ever Deputy President of Congress, FalterinArc

  •  Declassified information about the United States' use of torture

  •  Pushed local governments to pursue inclusionary zoning policies

  •  Implemented stricter regulations on banks

  •  Issued more Executive Orders in two weeks than any other post-reset President did in their entire term

In addition to the past two weeks, other career highlights:

  •  Was (imho) one of the more successful post-reset Vice Presidents

  •  Accomplished some forgettable things as a legislator that I am forgetting

  •  Only registered in one state for my entire time in the game

  •  Most importantly, had a blast. Way more often than not.

So, not too shabby. Checked off pretty much everything I wanted to do going into this. That's good enough.

I've long said that there are no permanent deaths in this game. I have every intention of making my "death" permanent. That is why I pardoned literal Nazis, created something called the "SCATPORN Initiative," provided government funds for injecting babies with coronavirus, and renamed the Hoover Dam after the lead singer of Weezer. If I make the mistake of running for office again, please use all of these things against me.

One piece of advice to leave you all with. It doesn't always seem like it, but it is possible for anyone to have a great time in this game. The most important thing is that you cannot force yourself to choose between your principles and your team. If you're not capable of calling those plays, don't. Putting yourself in that position inevitably ends with stupid stuff.

Keep a light heart, don't get too emotionally invested, don't be a psycho hose beast, and Atlasia can be fun for everyone no matter who comes out on top.

That's all, folks. God bless. Adios.