Nickelodeon announces Spongebob Squarepants is Gay

[Lexii, harbinger of chaos and sexual anarchy]

Canon disproves this considering that Spongebob shows brief attraction to a mermaid in the first movie, and then no one else later. He’s either Asexual or has a weak libido.

The show's creator, Stephen Hillenburg, said years ago that SpongeBob is "almost asexual", so it's not as if Nick are retconning anything really. Anyways, one can be only 98% attracted to people of your same sex/gender and almost no one would claim that they aren't really gay, so I don't know why it can't be the same for asexuals, including animated sponges

[Lexii, harbinger of chaos and sexual anarchy]

How do you enjoy sexual activity / arousal at all when your penis is a sponge? Please don't answer, this post is intended to be rhetorical.

I've found a documentary SpongeKnob SquareNuts
that answers this very important question, apparently square giant sponges have surprisingly human-looking penises

[obviously NSFW, probably NSFL]

[Lexii, harbinger of chaos and sexual anarchy]

Hillenberg: SpongeBob is almost asexual
Nickelodeon: SpongeBob may either be LGBT+ (which often includes asexuals) or an ally
You:...