Attn Justices: Atlasia vs. Keystone Phil

[Joe Republic]

EXECUTE HIM

[Joe Republic]

I swear (or affirm) that I will well and truly try the matter in issue between the parties, and give a true verdict according to the law and evidence, so help me Dave.


(I sincerely hope that my innate prejudice against Italian-Americans, Republicans and Pennsylvanians, as well as my core belief that all trial defendants are automatically guilty, doesn't interfere with the fair conduct of this case.)

[Joe Republic]

There will be no executions. As for the rest, I ask juror Joe to state for the record whether his statements concerning the defendant's guilt were serious or intended as a misplaced jest.

A jest, indeed?  A jest indeed.  'Twas naught but a whimsical badinage of mediocre caliber, Your Majesty.  But I daresay it was nary misplaced, for 'twere left right in the place in which it were intended, sir.

[Joe Republic]

Your Majesty, I have espied a golden filling within the accuséd's mouth from half a dozen fathoms away, and therefore I do declare he be gilty.