UPDATE-OPOLY

[Joe Republic]

Bacon King & HockeyDude     $3407

Red Team advances to AutoCAD(D) Play Room and very generously contributes $1150 to Bore to help with his loan payment.

Bore     $4416

Bore advances to Grandma's House and very generously contributes $1275 to Oakvale to help with his loan payment.

Oakvale     $1525

Oakvale passes GO collecting $200 of his parents' money, and advances to Blondie's Kennel (Grave) to feed him/her (and pay his respects).

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[Joe Republic]

Bacon King & HockeyDude     $2257

Red Team advances to Grandma's House and very generously contributes $1275 to Oakvale to help with his loan payment.

Bore     $3141

Bore passes GO collecting $200 of his parents' money, and advances to Train Room and very generously contributes $450 to Oakvale to help with his loan payment.

Oakvale     $3450

Oakvale advances to Just Napping.

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[Joe Republic]

Bacon King & HockeyDude     $982

Red Team passes GO collecting $200 of their parents' money, and advances to Papa's Retirement Fund and draws a card:

Bore     $2891

Bore advances to Corporate Worship and prays for the souls of Obama, the gays, and the starving heathen children in Kenya.

Oakvale     $3450

Oakvale advances to Hobo Orgy Garage and very generously contributes $900 to Bacon King and HockeyDude to help with their loan payment.



 

Oakvale advances to Call Center #1 and sidejacks with himself for a while.

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[Joe Republic]

This seems to be going through the notions now.

I am 60% confident that this game will have concluded by the end of 2015.

[Joe Republic]

Bacon King & HockeyDude     $2092

Red Team advances to Corporate Worship and very generously contributes $600 to Bore to help with his loan payment.

Bore     $3491

Bore advances to Walmart and very generously contributes $750 to Bacon King and HockeyDude to help with their loan payment.

Oakvale     $2550

Oakvale advances to Cracker Barrel, paying $100 to Bacon King and HockeyDude for three delicious and healthy dinners.



 

Oakvale advances to Grandma's House and briefly relaxes with the volume way down.

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[Joe Republic]

Bacon King & HockeyDude     $2342

Red Team advances to On The Border and help themselves to some authentic Mexican cuisine.

Bore     $2741

Bore advances to Maisha Orphanage and very generously contributes $1000 to Bacon King and HockeyDude to help with their loan payment.

Oakvale     $2450

Oakvale passes GO collecting $200 of his parents' money, and advances to Papa's Retirement Fund and draws a card:

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[Joe Republic]

Bacon King & HockeyDude     $3342

Red Team advances to Metro Tech Admissions Office and very generously contributes $1150 to Bore to help with his loan payment.

Bore     $2891

Bore advances to Metro Tech Admissions Office and signs up for yet another 'education' scheme.

Oakvale     $2450

Oakvale fell asleep during the big game!

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[Joe Republic]

Bacon King & HockeyDude     $2192

Red Team advances to Grandma's House and very generously contributes $1275 to Oakvale to help with his loan payment.

Bore     $2891

Bore advances to Ma & Pa's Trailer and very generously contributes $1400 to Oakvale to help with his loan payment.

Oakvale     $5325

Oakvale advances to Golden Corral, paying $100 to Bacon King and HockeyDude for three delicious and healthy dinners.

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[Joe Republic]

Happy New Year, everybody!  I have made it an Official 2015 Resolution to conclude this game by the end of January.  The record for the longest game of Monopoly is 70 days straight, and that means that as this game began on November 22nd 2014, we would beat that record on January 31st 2015!

[Joe Republic]

Bacon King & HockeyDude     $1017

Red Team advances to Trust Jesus and draws a card:





Red Team passes GO collecting $200 of their parents' money, and advances to Call Center #3 and very generously contributes $1100 to Oakvale to help with his loan payment.

Bore     $1491

Bore advances to New Year's Eve and very generously contributes $1500 to Oakvale to help with his loan payment.

Whoops!  You can't quite afford to pay.  With God's help, you must raise an additional $9.

[Joe Republic]

Oakvale     $7825

Oakvale advances to Utah Call Center and very generously contributes $750 to Bacon King and HockeyDude to help with their loan payment.



 

Oakvale advances to Adoption Agency and very generously contributes $950 to Bacon King and HockeyDude to help with their loan payment.

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[Joe Republic]

Bacon King & HockeyDude     $1817

Red Team advances to New Year's Eve and very generously contributes $1500 to Oakvale to help with his loan payment.

Bore     $91

Bore passes GO collecting $200 of his parents' money, and advances to Golden Corral, paying $100 to Bacon King and HockeyDude for three delicious and healthy dinners.

Oakvale     $7625

Oakvale advances to Health Care for a free check-up.

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[Joe Republic]

Bacon King & HockeyDude     $417

Red Team advances to GO, collecting $400 of their parents' money!

Bore     $191

Bore advances to Walmart and very generously contributes $750 to Bacon King and HockeyDude to help with his loan payment.

Whoops!  You can't quite afford to pay.  With God's help, you must raise an additional $559.

(You can consolidate your loans and credit cards on the light blue properties for $25 apiece, or the yellow properties for $75 apiece.)

[Joe Republic]

Oakvale     $7625

Oakvale advances to New Fiancée, paying $75 for a sumptuous engagement ring.

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[Joe Republic]

Bacon King & HockeyDude     $1567

Red Team advances to Corporate Worship, but it looks like the associate pastor has forgotten to show up!

Bore     $51

Bore advances to Call Center #1 and very generously contributes $1050 to Oakvale to help with his loan payment.

Whoops!  You can't quite afford to pay.  But with God's help, by consolidating your credit cards on the yellow properties, you were able to pull together the funds!

Your finances are NOT in a shambles, and you are NOT totally worthless.

Oakvale     $8625

Oakvale passes GO collecting $200 of his parents' money, and advances to Golden Corral, paying $100 to Bacon King and HockeyDude for three delicious and healthy dinners.

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[Joe Republic]

Bacon King & HockeyDude     $1667

Red Team advances to On The Border, but it appears to have gone out of business!  No matter, independent local restaurant "Red Lobster" is just next door.

Bore     $51

Bore advances to Tulsa Apartment.  Unable to contribute the necessary $1275 loan payments, he instead consolidates his own remaining credit cards and pays his remaining $126 to Oakvale, along with his properties!


Bore has been Raptured!  (7-10 years ahead of schedule!!)  He advances to Heaven, receives a perfect new body, and takes his place beside his Lord and Savior for the rest of eternity.

Oakvale     $8851

Oakvale advances to O.N.G. and listens to his radio at his desk at a reasonable volume from 9 to 11.

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[Joe Republic]

Joe, can you remind me how I go about un-mortaging things?

It'll cost you $286 ^O.Y.P.M. to do all four of them. 

[Joe Republic]

Bacon King & HockeyDude     $1667

Red Team advances to Call Center #2 and very generously contributes $1050 to Oakvale to help with his loan payment.

Oakvale     $9901

Oakvale advances to Call Center #2 and sidejacks with himself for a while.

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[Joe Republic]

Bacon King & HockeyDude     $617

Red Team advances to Braum's and help themselves to their new recipe; the Ice Cream Burger!



 

Red Team passes GO collecting $200 of their parents' money, and advances to Papa's Retirement Fund and draws a card:

Oakvale     $9901

Oakvale advances to Metro Tech Admissions Office, but Ryan tells him to stop bothering her!  And how did he even find her office anyway?

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[Joe Republic]

Bacon King & HockeyDude     $917

Red Team advances to Trust Jesus and draws a card:

Oakvale     $6615

Oakvale advances to Papa's Retirement Fund and draws a card:

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[Joe Republic]

Bacon King & HockeyDude     $1067

Red Team advances to The Kenyan Kids and loves on them for a few hours.

Oakvale     $6465

Oakvale passes GO collecting $200 of his parents' money, and advances to Papa's Retirement Fund and draws a card:

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[Joe Republic]

Bacon King & HockeyDude     $1067

Red Team advances to Call Center #1 and very generously contributes $1050 to Oakvale to help with his loan payment.



 

Red Team advances to Health Care, and generously contributes $70 to help Oakvale pay his non-existent medical expenses.

Whoops!  You can't quite afford to pay.  With God's help, you must raise an additional $53.

[Joe Republic]

Oakvale     $7985

Oakvale advances to Just Napping

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[Joe Republic]

Bacon King & HockeyDude     $47

Red Team advances to New Year's Eve and very generously contributes $1500 to Oakvale to help with his loan payment.

Whoops!  You can't quite afford to pay.  With God's help, you must raise an additional $1453.

[Joe Republic]

Red Team has been Raptured!  (7-10 years ahead of schedule!!)  They advance to Heaven, receive perfect new bodies, and take their place beside their Lord and Savior for the rest of eternity.

Oakvale has won UPDATE-OPOLY!!

To celebrate this success, his parents finally decide to call in his debts and financially cut him off, leaving him over $15,000 in debt.  After two months of financial independence, he becomes homeless and addicted to prescription painkillers to help cope with the loss of his lower leg to diabetes.

Now 345 pounds and living in a dumpster behind a Braum's he once frequented, scaring the local children from church that he used to love on only a few short weeks ago, he finally succumbs to a stroke one unseasonably warm night.  As his refillable Big Gulp cup of "Diet" Dr. Pepper (which he feebly tries to fill with coins by day) slips from his grasp and spills onto the ground, Oakvale collapses into the puddle of pop he has created.  With his consciousness fading, he looks to the sky, ready for his Lord Jesus to arrive in His chariot, scoop him into His warm embrace and ferry him to the Eternal Paradise he has been guaranteed.  Alas, no such help is on the way this night.

Good night, sweet Oakvale.

RIP