The Michael A. Naso Institute of Comedy

[Joe Republic]

I don't usually read through multi-page election results threads, but the relatively short one for Puerto Rico turned up some gems:

Dog on Car- 53
Not safe to Google- 26
Lucky Charms Leprechaun- 12
President of the Moon- 9

http://64.185.222.182/cee_events/PRIMARIAS_PARTIDO_REPUBLICANO_2012_36/NOCHE_DEL_EVENTO_55/default.html

That page is in Spanish, so those results dont count. Only results posted in the language of opportunity and freedom are good honest American results. 

[Joe Republic]

Click for context:

Hey, at least a complete breach of privacy is consistent with the GOP's views!

[Joe Republic]

Intellectual jokes suck.  Let's talk about boobs and farts instead.

[Joe Republic]

Truly sorry about your friend, oakvale, but nevertheless:

Fun fact: I know someone who got mugged & stabbed on April Fool's Day, which meant that it took a while before anyone realised it wasn't a joke in poor taste. *facepalm*

What ? He got stabbed for real because it was April Fool's day ?

This is America. We take our April Fool's Day seriously.

[Joe Republic]

I don't get it, and I consider myself a preeminent scholar of Atlas lore.

Well no, you only think you are, and even then it's only if it's in some way related to you.

[Joe Republic]

Tweed was absent for giant gaps of Atlas history that he wasn't in any way relevant for much of it.

[Joe Republic]

Making up crazy quotes of Allen West is like making up slutty photos of Lindsay Lohan.

[Joe Republic]

But seriously, my writing style seems to be offending people. Really, what am I to do then??

You could start by watching all 5 seasons of The Wire. This will not help you, but it's a great show.

[Joe Republic]

OFFICIAL BLACK MORMON VOTEWATCH 2012

Gladys Knight: Obama
Hipster that Joe Republic Knows: Obama
Thurl Bailey: given he did that prayer thing at the 2008 RNC probably Romney
The black Mormon lady running as a Republican against Matheson: certainly Romney
Yeah Samake: Himself (if/when Traoré allows the election to occur)
Alex Boyé: unknown; it will be his first election as a U.S. citizen though

RESULTS: TOO CLOSE TO CALL

ANALYSIS SUGGESTS THAT BLACK MORMONS ARE A KEY SWING DEMOGRAPHIC THIS YEAR

[Joe Republic]

It's fitting, as I've always thought that Great Britain looks like a scheming villain in profile:

[Joe Republic]

You need some kind of sombre background music while reading through that post.

[Joe Republic]

You need some kind of sombre background music while reading through that post.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STRgG38T6sc

That's much better than what I came up with:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnHmskwqCCQ

[Joe Republic]

You need some kind of sombre background music while reading through that post.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STRgG38T6sc

That's much better than what I came up with:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnHmskwqCCQ

That's somber to you?

...

My patience is wearing seriously thin with you.

[Joe Republic]

[Joe Republic]

Re: Japanese man cuts off, cooks, and sells his own genitals as meal for ¥100,000

He's Asian, so it obviously wasn't very good value for the money.

[Joe Republic]

Good luck, Assad!  If at first you don't succeed, I'll slam your head in a car door try, try, try again!

[Joe Republic]

Well, this has certainly been a hilarious discussion, worthy of this thread.

[Joe Republic]

I prefer this without context:

I'm not sure, but I guess we'll see. He might have brain damage or something after this. He might also be an asshole.

[Joe Republic]

I think they put a (D) next to "Hurricane Katrina" at one point, too.

[Joe Republic]

I should have posted this here before it was deleted by a moderator who didn't get the reference and thought it was some kind of attack.

He died in a bizarre gardening accident. The authorities said it was one of those things better left unsolved.

[Joe Republic]

If it weren't for Princess Diana dying and The Lion King, many people of my generation wouldn't have known about Elton John.

[Joe Republic]

I'm not sure if he's attacking me or paraphrasing me.

[Joe Republic]

'Opinion of Freedom Fighter'

Insane. All I have to add.

[Joe Republic]

John Kerry is going to have to go out of his way to be extra flip-floppy when he has those practice debates with Obama.

[Joe Republic]

On Tim Pawlenty:

I'm sure he'll make an electrifying Secretary of Agriculture though.