HOW TO GET TO HEAVEN WHEN YOU DIE

[Joe Republic]

How the hell do people who live on subway trains get access to the internet?

[Joe Republic]

Don't you care about your own soul?

I already sold mine to some guy named Stan for a lottery ticket and a waffle. He promised he'd take good care of it, so I'm not too worried.

Hey, I know Stan too!  I sold my soul to him for a 1994 Honda Accord.  The joke's on him though, because I found about $3.15 in loose change in and around the seats.

[Joe Republic]

This is my thread.  You are free to leave it, but I'm not gonna leave until the last person on earth has accepted Jesus.  You aren't forced to click on this and I only post here so...

Take it from me, friend.  We already know who Jesus supposedly was, and what Christianity is all about, mainly because we are mostly intelligent adults.  It's perhaps for that reason that the overwhelming majority of people who have participated in this thread and poll (including the person who voted for Option 1 as a joke, I would expect) are not interested in being evangelized.  Even our resident fundamentalist has come to accept this, even if he still uses Bible quotes to somehow support his arguments.

So, given that you are completely wasting your time with us, perhaps there are other things you could spend your time doing?

[Joe Republic]

Plus, your choice of username is highly amusing.  I expect the irony of your interest in the mythology created by J.R.R. Tolkien running parallel with your probable belief in the literal interpretation of the Bible is entirely lost on you.

Unless you're just trollin' us, that is.

[Joe Republic]

The likeliest explanations, of course, are either that jamfest's pastor has a very vivid imagination, or he's a liar.

[Joe Republic]

Well yes, artistic license is rather a necessary requirement for painting pretty pictures for people.

The problem, of course, is that too many people take them literally...

[Joe Republic]

My pastor was so disgusted that he asked if he could put together and lead a one hour prayer service one night a week and the chaplain refused his request because the chaplain was insulted that someone else dare attempt to step on his toes.   My pastor took it all the way up to the I.G. of the 25th ID who just happened not to like the chaplain; and with my pastor in tow, the I.G. burst into the tent of the chaplain and told the secretary not to bother to get up, flung open the chaplain’s office door and ordered him to allow my pastor to hold a one hour prayer service on Thursday night in a dirt floor tent.

Exchange Vietnam for WWII Italy, and that scene could have been lifted directly from Catch-22.

[Joe Republic]

You’ll have to describe the scene in Catch-22.

Nah, you'll just have to read it.  You won't regret it.

[Joe Republic]

The fact that you gave the "benefit of the doubt" shows that part of you doesn't 100% believe it either.

[Joe Republic]

You’ll have to describe the scene in Catch-22.

Nah, you'll just have to read it.  You won't regret it.

In other words, the only connection is that both stories involve chaplains on a base.  I’m sure you’d see plagiarism in any two randomly chosen stories involving going to the latrine.

Nope, just a recommendation to read a truly excellent novel.

Be careful though, this one is also fiction, and we all know about your habit of taking such things literally...

The fact that you gave the "benefit of the doubt" shows that part of you doesn't 100% believe it either.

so, I recite a story from my pastor and many eyewitnesses, then you doubt the story and claim he and the witnesses are lying (though you have no evidence to make such a charge), then I say give him the benefit of the doubt, then you claim that only show I don’t believe the story either, as if I was corrupted by your ignorance?!

You're the one who said you gave him the benefit of the doubt.  The bulk of the story is probably true - it's not really important how much - but what we're saying is that an unknown quantity of it was likely altered/exaggerated in order to fit his own narrative.  Come on, we all do it when reciting anecdotes to make a better story, or a point.

[Joe Republic]

If it helps you to think of it that way, sure, although you still seem to be missing the wider point.  As usual.

[Joe Republic]

Again, that's not the point at all.  I even told you that the quantity of the story that is true is unimportant.  Remember what I said about altering/exaggerating details in order to make a better story or point?

At least the basis of your pastor's story is true, unlike your... um... episode, back in 1992 or whenever it was.  Well, I'm sure something happened to you back then, but it sure as hell wasn't what you now describe it as being. 

[Joe Republic]

You should probably have gleaned by now that I couldn't honestly give two sh**ts about your pastor.  You should feel grateful that I'm even giving you the time of day.