Eine traurige Nachricht für euch

[Mr. Morden]

Don't worry guys.  I'm pretty sure this is guy is not really a good friend of Tender Branson, but is in fact 15 year old Korean actress Kim Yoo-jung.  She presumably posted this accidentally when googling erotica about the Krampus and a topless Angela Merkel.  It's an innocent mistake to make.

[Mr. Morden]

wouldn't it be ironic* if this were just a prank but our (justifiably) offended responses shame tender so much that he never posts here again and we end up assuming that it wasn't a joke?

It would be just like the end of Romeo & Juliet.  Or every episode of Three's Company.

[Mr. Morden]

Well-wishers who need to contact this newbie for more information may contact him by email if necessary:  tender15@gmx.at

I presume the "15" refers to the age of Kim Yoo-jung?

[Mr. Morden]

My theory of why he's been absent is that he's gotten trapped in his basement.

I'm looking forward to a very gruesome Austrian version of this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFosUj6A22c

[Mr. Morden]

Whoever did this needs to die in a fire. I really hope there's a way to find him.

Pretty sure that there is no way to figure out who the perp was in this case.  Our only hope is a confession.