Chapter Three: Buckets of Warm Piss

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

I am pleased to announce The People's Paper will be making their long awaited endorsement at the end of this week. Stay tuned.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

While this thread is near the top, I'd like to note that I've taken a leave from The People's Paper to run my presidential campaign.

As we all discussed earlier, your leave has been granted. We look forward to having you back whenever the time comes.

I've only heard about this legendary publication, but have never seen it with my own two eyes. Alas, I have been enlightened.

Full of new hope, The People have decided it is time to continue our tradition of endorsing the winning candidate in the presidential race after taking a few cycles off. I am sure it is an honor for you to see finally see this paper

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

We need to find Mechaman. He was not relieved of his duties!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Like Old Times, the Disappearance of Barnes leads to a Special Election

Buffalo, NY - Some things never change in Atlaisa. This is a theme The People have acknowledged for months now, as Their presence continues to take hold in the country. This week, Labor Senator Barnes, famous for his solid service when present, and more famous for his disappearing acts, went inactive and then resigned from the senate, handing The People of Atlasia yet another special election to deal with a week before they head to the polls to elect their next president.

The candidates are a group of heavy hitters. Current embattled President Napoleon, out of sheer fear of being unemployed, has made his intentions known he plans to seek the seat even before leaving office, giving a middle finger to the naysayers that claim his unpopularity will make him unelectable outside of his home region of the Northeast. The other candidates are just as high profile. The Labor Party is running their chairman, Griffin, a longtime servant of the IDS, and The Federalists' are sending Goldwater. Last, but not least, The People's Candidate is Fezzyfestoon, a long time governor of the Northeast. Running under The People's Banner, Fezzy brings his rich experience back to Atlasia. Mr. Festoon exudes competent leadership, and embodies everything The People stand for - open mindedness, dedication to the game, activity, love of alcohol, women, and the propensity to not disappear from office when elected.

The People cannot make a prediction on this race, but it is interesting to note two of the biggest Federalist names have endorsed Napoleon over Goldwater, including the chairman of The Federalist Party. That does not bode well for the conservative from the Mideast. At the end of the day, this election will come down to The Power of The People. And either way, The People will always prevail.

Senator Duke is the Chief Senate Analyst for The People's Paper.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Thanks. Fixed.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Thank god. This night just got immensely better.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

How unsurprising that The Paper refers to me as a "piece of shit, yet wishes Mr. Marokai well on his campaign. Very little surprise at all.

You're well aware that The Paper does not endorse any of the statements made by our columnists. It is merely the publisher of such opinions.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Wonderful news! The Paper has just pulled even further ahead of its competition!

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

You ran with Cinci too? I thought he was most famous for his association with me in our narrow lossvictory in October 2011, when The People made Their last stand?

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Give me a goddamned interview

First, you need to show respect to The People, who's hallowed thread you are posting in. No one, I don't care how hardcore, can waltz into this newspaper and demand something like that. If you want an interview, get on your knees and beg The People for forgiveness. Once it is granted, your wish will be Their command.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Coming Soon: Fear and Loathing, On the Campaign Trail '13

The People's Paper is proud to announce former presidential candidate Cathdawg will publish a miniseries about his experiences during the February 2013 Presidential Election. Be sure to tune into The Paper over the course of the next few weeks to read this tantalizing tale.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

No. Let us make it clear that while the formal organization known as The Party has dismantled itself to allow The People to spread our seed in all parties, The Paper remains the premiere news source in Atlasia. It is business as usual.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

Christ, Scott, delete that. That's really inappropriate.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

This must continue. With my impending retirement, I can't think of a better hobby than keeping The Paper active...

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

All Hail The People's First President

The People's Paper would like to formally congratulate Senate Nix on his election to the Presidency of Atlasia, marking the first time a People's candidate has emerged victorious in a presidential election. He now represents The People's best hope for a bright future of in country. With the weight of the world soon to be thrusted on his shoulders, and on behalf of myself and the entire staff of The Paper, we wish him the best of luck.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

If there is anyone that does interviews right now I would love to do an interview.

Mechaman handles our interviews. Once I leave office in a few short weeks, I will have plenty of time to devote to The Paper - and one of those tasks is to find Mechaman.

[Fmr. Pres. Duke]

OP-ED: Welcome Back, 2011

Charleston, SC - Two years ago, Atlasians rode a title wave of sentiment to the ballot box to vote to destroy the two party system, which served as a scapegoat to all things evil in Atlasia for years.  

Today, the two party system has returned. Three months after the dismantling of The People's Party, which the Nyman Post called "Atlasia's last hope against a two party system," things are back to the way they were, just as The People predicted when they ended Their party, a party that, at the time, controlled the Senate and held the Vice Presidency. This morning, two major Liberal Party members, Senator Napoleon and Vice President DemPGH left the party, declaring it dead, stating the obvious that everyone else had known since last October. This comes on the heels of the sudden disappearance of Light Party Chair Scott, who said goodbye in the morning hours of July 17 and took no questions from the press.

It is unclear whether dissolution was a success or failure. Many people cite the Freedom allowed for The People to assemble, if even for a 6 month period, as reason enough to declare dissolution a success. However, opponents will cite that elections only became competitive again once the two party system had begun to consolidate (see the June 2013 Presidential election, the first competitive national election since dissolution).

While a few minor parties remain, the major battles will be fought between the Federalist Party and Labor Party. Pick your sides, gentlemen.