**Comes in wearing a bright yellow chicken suit****
Hey Lt. Gov. are you chicken???
But you know what, I'll use the opportunity to show y'all how to properly kill a chicken.
Now, many people just chop off the chicken's head. That's also what they do in those meat factories. That's wrong. It causes the chicken unnecessary suffering, plus that last-minute rush of adrenalin is bad for the taste.
What you do is, you take up the chicken and cuddle it by your arm. Make sure it's feeling safe and comfortable (this'll take a minute or three). Pat it on the head. And then, you smash in its head. Right after that, cut open the still-alive but stunned chicken's throat and chest. Like this. See?
Ooh-oh. Sorry. I didn't notice there was a man inside this chicken.
MEDIC!
LEWIS DOESNT EAT CHICKEN!!!!!!!!! BOOOOOOOOO!!!! KEMPEROR FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!
