I spent the winter writing songs about getting better
BRTD
Atlas Prophet
Posts: 113,326
Political Matrix E: -6.50, S: -6.67
|
|
« on: July 08, 2005, 12:40:39 PM » |
|
My aunt sent this to me. Nice that we get a chain email now instead of the countless right wing ones!
Dear Red States: We're ticked off at the way you've treated > California, and we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own > country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you > aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, > Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this > split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people > of the new country of New California.
> To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. > We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
> We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
> We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
> We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
> We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
> We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You > get Alabama.
> We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states > pay their fair share.>
> Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the > Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a > bunch of single moms.
> Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti- > war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. > If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids > they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and > they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets > coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs > turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's > Quagmire.
> With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent > of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple > and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of > America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) > 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most > of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the > Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech > and MIT.
> With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 > percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care > costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the > tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern > Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, > Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
> We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
> Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was > actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred > unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say > that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved > in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people > with higher morals than we lefties.
> By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt > weed they grow in Mexico.
|