The Sam Spade Memorial Good Post Gallery

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Lately I have been thinking there is one thing that could hurt him and that is The Bible. After getting criticism for his performance at a values summit last month he has started touting how The Bible is his favorite book and how it is "The Best!"  It seems to me that he has opened himself to have a Sarah Palin with Katie Couric or Herman Cain "Libya Brain Freeze" type of moment with some informed journalist asking him some basic questions about Christianity/The Bible. Because I am fairly certain that he knows j--k sh-t about the Bible. If he completely embarrasses himself talking about God, how well will he do with the base of the GOP?

Hm...I take that as a challenge to write what I would say if I were Trump asked about the Bible.

"Take David. Total outsider, the kid wasn't part of the establishment, wasn't part of the court, he was a shepherd boy! Yet he could tell that things were going wrong in Israel. Losing wars, budget wasn't lining up, everything was just going to hell, and the people in the government didn't have a clue. King Saul...nice guy, right? Saul? Love him, but he was a loser. A total disaster. So David goes to the court and everyone loves the guy, he even negotiated the king's daughter as a bride...someone's clearly read The Art of the Deal, am I right? Israel's threatened by the Philistines, so David, totally naked, goes up to the biggest, toughest of the Philistines and knocks him dead. That's how you negotiate! Take the biggest, strongest enemy and destroy him publicly...who's going to screw you after that? There's a great statue of this...Michelangelo's David...you seen it? This guy's seen it. Powerful stuff...and David had nearly as luxurious hair as I do! I thought about buying that statue once, but I don't have the right building to stick it in yet. Maybe the White House, eh? So David becomes king. People love him, God loves him, Israel's enemies hate him. Did he have a soft spot for beautiful girls? Don't we all? So yes, story of David is really inspirational stuff."