and if we had knife laws nobody would have been hurt!
Let's ban all assault knives. Know what? Let's ban kitchen knives too. That seems to be everyone's goal nowadays
*A BRILLIANT FLASH OF LIGHT*
YOUNG WOMAN: Oh, you dashing gentlemen!
[Enters: FLAME-SHIRTED MAN and NINCOMPOOP]
NINCOMPOOP: M'lady.
*NINCOMPOOP TIPS HAT AND FLASHES ASSAULT RIFLE*
FLAME-SHIRTED MAN: I may be a slow-typer, but my fingers are always moving!
*YOUNG WOMAN blushes, fans herself with a severed hand*
YOUNG WOMAN: I just can't resist your scents!
[Screen goes black, PRODUCT appears on scream]
GRUFF NARRATOR: TEDIUM is the Powerful Attractor, choice of Flame-Shirted Nincompoops everywhere!
YOUNG WOMAN (Voice only): Oh my stars, TREAD ON MEEE!!!!*
GRUFF NARRATOR: Choose TEDIUM, Free Yourself From Empathy™!
*"MEEE!!!!" should be said with at least five syllables