Would you let your kid be gay?

[useful idiot]

I can't make those kinds of decisions for her(present) or them(future). I'd be severely disappointed, and I wouldn't take part in that side of their life(I wouldn't have them bring their partner to my home, wouldn't attend any "wedding" they might have, and wouldn't advertise their orientation to anyone)*, but that's their choice, and I'd still love them and help them in whatever way they need.

* I will say that I'd probably be a bit more moveable in my position if this was my daughter and she were a lesbian, than if this was a hypothetical son. That's just a gut reaction, and not related to any religious convictions.

[useful idiot]

I can't make those kinds of decisions for her(present) or them(future). I'd be severely disappointed, and I wouldn't take part in that side of their life(I wouldn't have them bring their partner to my home, wouldn't attend any "wedding" they might have, and wouldn't advertise their orientation to anyone)*, but that's their choice, and I'd still love them and help them in whatever way they need.

With all due respect, that's not "love" at all.

Love doesn't mean approving of everything your child does. If my child acted in pornography I wouldn't watch their films or have them invite their porn friends to my home. I wouldn't go to porn awards shows with them. I don't subscribe to the modern notion of "love", which basically means that you accept and encourage everything your child may wish to do. If I were to accept and encourage something that I felt was wrong and bad for them then I don't think that would be love at all.

I'm assuming you don't have children, so I won't take your comment about me not loving my child too seriously.

[useful idiot]

I can't make those kinds of decisions for her(present) or them(future). I'd be severely disappointed, and I wouldn't take part in that side of their life(I wouldn't have them bring their partner to my home, wouldn't attend any "wedding" they might have, and wouldn't advertise their orientation to anyone)*, but that's their choice, and I'd still love them and help them in whatever way they need.

* I will say that I'd probably be a bit more moveable in my position if this was my daughter and she were a lesbian, than if this was a hypothetical son. That's just a gut reaction, and not related to any religious convictions.

Let's hope you won't have more kids than the one you already have. Let's also hope than the daughter has some intelligenge, unlike her father.

I'll hope that she'll grow up to be able to testify of Christ's love and power to conquer sin. But you can hope for whatever you want...

[useful idiot]

I can't make those kinds of decisions for her(present) or them(future). I'd be severely disappointed, and I wouldn't take part in that side of their life(I wouldn't have them bring their partner to my home, wouldn't attend any "wedding" they might have, and wouldn't advertise their orientation to anyone)*, but that's their choice, and I'd still love them and help them in whatever way they need.

With all due respect, that's not "love" at all.

Love doesn't mean approving of everything your child does. If my child acted in pornography I wouldn't watch their films or have them invite their porn friends to my home. I wouldn't go to porn awards shows with them. I don't subscribe to the modern notion of "love", which basically means that you accept and encourage everything your child may wish to do. If I were to accept and encourage something that I felt was wrong and bad for them then I don't think that would be love at all.

I'm assuming you don't have children, so I won't take your comment about me not loving my child too seriously.

Being gay is an integral part of one's being. It is their very identity, and it shapes how they will be treated and who they will seek companionship with all their life. It is not an occupation or a hobby, there's nothing wrong with it no matter what twisted theological position you veil your homophobia in, and rejecting that part of your child is simply a rejection of your child himself.

Not to mention, it's delusional. You "love" the image of your child you have in your head. You would "love" the part of your child that is exactly how you think a "normal" person is and simply try and pretend the rest doesn't exist. Not liking homosexuality is one thing, however, the refusal to even let their loved one on your property is simply outrageously hateful and something you should honestly be ashamed of. I hope your kid turns out gay, truthfully, in the desperate hope that after getting to know that child for so many years your heart would get you to make the right decisions and at least somewhat deal with it.

No, to address your comment, I don't have a kid. I'm 19, gay, and nothing special. But after coming out to my ultra-christian grandparents, I got exactly the same reaction that you just spelled out here. They wanted to ignore that part of me, they wanted to pretend it didn't exist, that it was a "mistake" or "not really who I am." They don't want to hear about me being gay. They don't want to acknowledge I'm gay. They don't want to see me with another guy. They don't want me to be even comfortable in my homosexuality.

We have fought so much over such a thing and conflicted over the topic so much that it's led me to sorta-kinda hate my grandparents, and believe their love for me is a fraud. I will never feel comfortable around them, I can never be who I am around them, and they can never see me truly happy as long as they refuse to see me with another boy. I'm saying this to you now because, if your child turns out to be gay, I would not want your kid to grow up and have the feelings toward you that I now have toward my grandparents. If your kid is gay, I hope you make the right decision and not reject them simply for being who they are, and I hope that you won't put that wedge between the two of you that will sadly remain until the end of your lives.

Love your kid and accept their lives, gay or straight. Life is too short, my friend, to have these divisions between family/

Ok

[useful idiot]

I love how the last answer is full of respect and maturity...

The thread asked for an answer, I gave it. I didn't do so in order to get a lecture, to get told I should be ashamed of myself, to have my love for my daughter questioned, or to have someone wish that my child is gay so that I'll come around to a view that they support. Well he doesn't have to worry about it effecting him, I fully support gay rights and the right of anyone to pursue whatever lifestyle they wish, as long as it doesn't conflict with other's rights.

We have different worldviews. There is nothing more to say.

[useful idiot]

I can't make those kinds of decisions for her(present) or them(future). I'd be severely disappointed, and I wouldn't take part in that side of their life(I wouldn't have them bring their partner to my home, wouldn't attend any "wedding" they might have, and wouldn't advertise their orientation to anyone)*, but that's their choice, and I'd still love them and help them in whatever way they need.

Yeah you're right, it's a choice you have to leave to the kid. Back when I filled out the Sexuality Choice form I was very undecided as to what I'd choose, but my parents were really pushing for the gay option. Today I kind of regret it and wish I at least had choosen bisexual, as that way I would have had a greater chance to have kids.

By saying I can't make those decisions, I was trying to say that it wasn't a choice made by either myself or my child.

[useful idiot]

I'm not in the mood for "how dare you"-esque statements. I simply told you of my experiences so if you ever encounter a similar situation you don't make the same mistakes my grandparents and other's parents have made. I don't see how love includes what can only be hatred and outright exclusion of your child's very identity. Homosexuality is not a hobby, it is not an occupation, it's not for fun.

If you chosse to play this sort of uppity offended fellow just struck with how someone can't tell you how to think about your kids, that is your prerogative. I just feel sorry for your kid(s).

You can feel sorry for her if you want, that's your right. I didn't choose not to respond with a long post because you offended me, but because you were trying to. I certainly wasn't offended by what you had to say, it takes a lot more than that to get to me. I don't know you so what you say doesn't really carry any weight or affect me(nothing personal, I just don't get emotionally involved here). There was just no way I could respond to what you had to say because I don't feel like getting into a pissing match or arguing over something that isn't particularly arguable. I wouldn't get anything out of it.

Like I said before, we have different views. I would find it extremely difficult to accept parts of my child's life if they chose to pursue their desires for people of their own gender. If she's gay, my opinions on whether or not to engage in those parts of her life might change. But as of right now I don't think I could see myself doing it, and getting into it on an internet forum at 5am isn't going to change that.

[useful idiot]

I will say this though, if she gave me an ultimatum and said that it was either engage in the homosexual aspects of her life or she'll choose not to be a part of my life, that's no choice at all.

[useful idiot]

I feel so, so sorry for useful idiot's daughter - the idea of a parent's love ever being conditional is a horrible thought.

Blah Blah Blah, because I totally said that. Did I ever say I wouldn't want to see her? No. Did I ever say that I would withhold any kind of financial support? No. Did I ever say I'd be mean to her or not treat her with respect with regards to making her own choice about whether to lead whatever life she chooses? No. Just because I'm not actively participating in her romantic life doesn't mean my love is conditional. And you can't expect me to have her partner, if she has one, to come stay in my house, if I disapprove of what's going on on religious grounds. Hell, it's not like I'm a fundamentalist Muslim who would stone her to death to preserve my families honor, so let's keep a little perspective. I would say most parents world-wide would be far less accommodating than I would.

Anyway, if she told me she was gay, given how girls are, it probably means it's just a phase, and I don't want to encourage it. Half the chicks I know went through a lesbian phase in high school. It would probably take a couple years for me to even get used to it if she was truly homosexual.

If you want me to bring my religion into the matter I'll tell you this, even though I'm probably going to get bashed for making homosexuality out to be a sin. I don't see homosexual behavior as any different from having sex outside marriage. I'd be a lot worse if she said she was never getting married and was having sex with guys or living with one. At least in this case I would be able to see and understand that she had no choice in the matter and wouldn't chastise her for it. I'd simply tell her I love her and want the best for her,  acknowledge that I understand that she didn't choose this, but that I'd be uncomfortable with being as fully involved as I would be if she were straight. Hopefully she'd understand.

Like I said before, if she told me I had to go to her gay wedding or have her partner over or she would cut off contact with me, then obviously I'd have to do those things. And if she chose to have kids, either by adoption or insemination, my position would obviously change and I'd have to do whatever I need to do to be around her and my grandkids.

In any event, I'm completely done talking about this, I shouldn't have answered the question or I shouldn't have answered fully.