Dry counties

[True Federalist (진정한 연방 주의자)]

While looking over some religious jokes because of some of the other posts in this thread, I came across this some that while not about alcohol struck my funny bone:
A Jewish man was growing nervous. His son was coming of age and his 13th year
was drawing closer. The Jewish father was concerned that his young son was not
well versed in the Jewish faith and wanted to better educate him on ihs roots
before his bar mitzvah. The father decided to send his young son to Israel to see their homeland and study his heritage.

It later came time for the young boy to return home. The boy came in and fell to his fathers feet thanking him over and over for sending him to Israel. "Ohhh father" he exclaimed excitedly "I learned so much while I was there...but I have some bad news" pausing a second or so he concluded "While I was there I converted to Christianity."

The father fell to his knees "OHHH NOOOO What have I done??" Worried he hurried over to his closest friends house. After explaining what happened to him his friend replied "Funny you should bring this to me...I also sent my son to Israel..and he TOO converted to Christianity."

The two friends almost in a panick decided they must immediatly go to the Rabbi and ask for guidance. After explaining the Rabbi replied "Funny you should bring this to me..I TOO sent my son to Israel and he ALSO converted to Christianity."

All three men in unison fell to their knees and blurted out prayers to God begging for guidance. God quietly replied "Funny you should bring this to me...I TOO sent my son to Israel..."
When Ole moved up north he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his new little town of all Catholics. That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbecuing venison every Friday during the Lenten season, for it was torture for them. Since they couldn't eat meat on Friday, the tempting aroma was getting the best of them.

Hoping they could do something to stop this, the neighbors got together and went over to talk to Ole, eventually persuading him to join their church. The big day came and the priest had Ole kneel. He put his hand on Ole's head and said, “Ole, you were born a Lutheran, you were raised a Lutheran, and now,” he said as he sprinkled some incense over Ole's head, “now you are a Catholic!”

Ole was happy and the neighbors were happy. But the following Friday evening at suppertime, there was again that aroma of grilled deer steaks coming from Ole's yard. The neighbors went to talk to him about this and as they approached the fence, they heard Ole saying: “You were born a whitetail, you were raised a whitetail, and now.” he said as he sprinkled seasoning salt over the choice tenderloin cut, “now you are a trout!”
Why are Unitarian Universalists such poor hymn singers?

They're always reading ahead to see if they agree with the lines!
A Lutheran pastor and his wife were driving along Lake Shore Drive, in Chicago, and they were pulled over for speeding. As officer O'Malley approached the pastor, he saw the pastor's clerics, and mistook him for a Roman Catholic priest. “Oh, sorry about dat, fader. Uh, just try and slow it down a little, OK?”

As they drove away, the pastor's wife said, “Shame on you, Harold! That was unethical. You know who he thought you were!”

“Oh, I know who he thought I was,” replied the pastor. “I'm just wondering who he thought you were.”
So Jesus was sitting by the Temple in Jerusalem one day when suddenly a crowd comes roaring down the street chasing a woman. They back the woman up against the wall and are about to stone her, screaming that she was an adulteress. Just then the Pharisees intervened, seizing upon the opportunity to trap Jesus. “So, Rabbi, this woman was caught in the very act of adultery. The law says she should be stoned. What do you say?”

Jesus kept looking at the ground and drawing in the dirt. He drew in the dirt and he drew in the dirt. Finally he looked up and said, “Let the one who is without sin cast the first stone.” Everything was silent, then one by one you could hear the stones thud as they were dropped on the ground. But SUDDENLY a big rock comes whizzing right by Jesus' head! It barely missed him! Then Jesus cried, “MO-O-O-M!!!”
There was a Scottish tradesman, a painter called Jack, who was very interested in making a pound where he could. So he often would thin down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time. Eventually the Presbyterian Church decided to do a big restoration job on one of their biggest churches. Jack put in a painting bid and because his price was so competitive, he got the job. And so he set to, with a right good will, erecting the trestles and putting up the planks, and buying the paint and…yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with the turpentine. Well, Jack was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly done, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder. The sky opened and the rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all over the church and knocking Jack fair off the scaffold to land on the lawn. Now, Jack was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he fell on his knees and cried, “Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?” And from the thunder, a mighty Voice spoke, “Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!”
After twenty years of shaving himself every morning, a man in a small Southern town decided he had had enough. He told his wife that he intended to let the local barber shave him each day. He put on his hat and coat and went to the barber shop which was owned by the pastor of the local Baptist Church. The barber's wife, Grace, was working, so she performed the task. Grace shaved him and sprayed him with lilac water and said, “That will be $50.”

The man thought the price was a bit high, but he paid the bill and went to work. The next morning the man looked in the mirror, and his face was as smooth as it had been when he left the barber shop the day before. Not bad, he thought. At least I don't need to get a shave every day. The next morning, the man's face was still smooth. Two weeks later, the man was still unable to find any trace of whiskers on his face. It was more than he could take, so he returned to the barber shop. “I thought $50 was high for a shave”, he told the barber's wife, ''ut you must have done a great job. It's been two weeks and my whiskers still haven't started growing back.”

The expression on her face didn't even change, expecting his comment. She responded, “You were shaved by Grace. Once shaved, always shaved.”

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, 'Genesis 3:10'. Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins  'Behold, I stand at the door and knock.' Genesis 3:10 reads, 'I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.'