The Theory of Cows

[Bono]

"THE THEORY OF COWS"

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
* You have two cows.
* You sell one and buy a bull.
* Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
* You sell them and retire on the income.

AMERICAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public buys your bull.

JAPANESE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called "Cowkimon" and market them  worldwide.

BRITISH CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

CANADIAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
Come to think of it, they look more like a pair of moose - in fact, yes they are.
One speaks French, one speaks English.
One fights to create a new country, the other won't let it.
They both play ice hockey rather well.

AUSTRALIAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

FRENCH CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

ITALIAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.

RUSSIAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

CHINESE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest and detain without trial the journalist who reported the number of cows.

[Alcon]

Hehe.

Seen it before, but always worth a good laugh.

[TheWildCard]

LOL

[KEmperor]

Heh Heh, thats a new variation.

[Gabu]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I love it!

[Julien]

That was pretty funny.

[John Dibble]

LOL.

[Platypus]

They all leap out as typically country x except for Britain (which is still funny) and Australia. Ours would be something more like:

"You have two cows. You clear 50 acres for them to graze on, and then eat them for lunch."

or something like that anyway

[King]

LoL

[Akno21]

This is great, every version. It is often used, but not over-used.

[Redefeatbush04]

Enron
You have two cows.
You borrow 80% of the forward value of the two cows from your bank, then buy another cow with 5% down and the rest financed by the seller on a note callable if your market cap goes below $20B at a rate 2 times prime. You now sell three cows to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at a 2nd bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more and this transaction process is upheld by your independent auditor and no Balance Sheet provided with the press release that announces that Enron as a major owner of cows will begin trading cows via the Internet site COW (cows on web). I am sure you now fully understand what happened.

[romeomustdie]

I read this like a year ago, but it is still funny